Should I go without him?

[Sadandalome]

Hi all I have been married 25 years and we planned last year to go away for a luxury holiday as we never had a honeymoon that was 1st May we still haven’t been as he’s too busy when we had planned this like over a year ago.
Since last August I’ve been unable to walk far so have to use a wheelchair the excuse for not holidaying was I’m busy or if you think I’m pushing you around in a wheelchair you must be joking I got a mongo wife in a wheelchair or retard wife is what I was being referred too until I had a breakdown and he felt bad.
Every holiday we have had in the last 3 years is in a villa his choice as I never want to do this as I want a holiday too but he promises to do everything and I won’t have to lift a finger this never happens so this year I’ve said I’m only going in a hotel as I’ve been bad I want to just relax and chill he said he’s not goin I said that’s fine but he said he won’t be here when I return I also said that was fine just leave my dogs with my mum.
I know if I book just for me and the children he will go mental but every time I ask he said I already told you I’m not coming and the price is increasing every day it’s sleeady £300 more each he has a go at me in front people all the time about the holiday about anything he wants I really want to book and him not come as he always spoils every holiday but I know my life be hell right up to when we leave if I do or am I being selfish and I need to Compromise please help I feel
Like all alone I’m sick crying myself to sleep praying i die during my sleep so I never have to see him again I’ve thought about leaving but he would never let us stay in the house and I work from home I have a adapted shed plus no one allows you to private rent with animals and I’m
Not giving them up they keep me goin with the love I receive from them. Sorry it’s a long thread and I’ve gone on abit

Fuck him. Treat yourself and go!!!!!!!

Book it and go without him.

I know it's easier said than done, but seriously, what do you have to lose if he isn't there when you get back? You are getting nothing but abuse from him.

If you aren't able to leave you need to do whatever you can to make your life as pleasant as possible, so book that holiday! You know that mumsnet will be cheering you on.

Go. Also, he sounds horrible. Referring to you using those terms is not acceptable in any way shape or form. It's abusive. Book the holiday, take the dogs to your mums before you go or ask if she can pick them up, then ask him to move out while you're gone.

If you're disabled and your house is adapted for you specifically, I would be very surprised if he can just kick you out without making some alternative arrangements for you.

Also, don't be too worried about private rentals and pets. We've recently moved between rental properties, and we have three cats. One of the estate agents told us they always put no pets unless the landlord specifically asks otherwise, but often if you ask the estate agent to ask the landlords permission, they are willing providing you pay a small additional pet deposit.

GET IT BOOKED!!

Hopefully whilst you're away you'll get that push !

What an absolute prick. You deserve SO so much better

He doesn't think you'll go without him. Prove him wrong. he sounds nasty and selfish.

Thank you all I feel so bullied I have nobody to turn/talk too I’ve considered taking my own life so many times then I think of my kids I just had enough surely I deserve to be happy xx

Yes, go. Add a couple of days to make sure he has enough time to get out.

It is ok to stop caring what he thinks. Enough is enough.

He sounds awful, I think there is a lot more you need to think about than just the holiday.

Go and book it. Unfortunately he won't be gone when you get back though. You'll need to deal with that when you come back instead.
You'd be so much happier without him.

I agree

Get some adviceOP. Go and find out what your options are.

Never mind booking a holiday you need to leave him permanently not just at home while you holiday.

He sounds awful and extremely unkind - please get some help.

This is an abusive man go on your holiday. I would suggest you start the plan to rid of him, he sounds vile.

You can't stay with a man who treats you like that and would makes you feel the way you do. Go on the holiday, have an amazing break with your children and find the strength to end this relationship when you are back. How dare he speak to you that way? It's disgusting, he is disgusting.

Random "would" sorry!

He sounds vile, is there anything about him that is nice?

See a solicitor and discuss your options with them. And have a relaxing hotel based holiday where you don't have to lift a finger (without him of course).

Ok. If you’re at the point of being suicidal because of your marriage then enough is seriously enough. Done. You need out and you need it yesterday! So, book the holiday. You’ve given him many many chances. He has said he’s not coming. Book it and go. Don’t even tell him. Book yourself a taxi and go. Book yourself a disabled friendly all inclusive hotel so you have nothing to do but enjoy. While you are away, email him and say “you promised to be gone when I got back, so please make sure that’s true. Be gone. You’re horrid and the marriage is over”
Is the house also in your name?
Keep posting on here and we will help you through this. You are not alone. How old are your kids?

Sounds like leaving is the only option, given how difficult it is for you to face life.

Go on the holiday - have a little taster of what life could be like without him tainting every part of it.

Then go and see a solicitor. He does not get to decide who lives in your house. But equally, you may prefer a smaller place, or just one without the memories. Adaptations can be done again. You won't believe what you'd have energy for if he wasn't sapping it all from you.