Throughout my life I felt like I’ve never had a relationship with either my dad or mother. My mom and Dad got divorced when I was little and we(me and my brother) would always visit him every other week on the weekends. As time went on my dad has moved closer and farther from were we live with our mother. Well over the past 4-5years(I’m 19 currently) I havnt seen much of my dad and my mom stopped caring about what happens to me in school I failed my 10th and 11th grade years by 2 classes both years my grandmother has paid for summer school bless her! And my mom doesn’t say anything to motivate me or anything to do things. Yes I know she doesn’t wanna be naggy but she doesn’t show me any attention what so ever. For my brother it’s a completely different story. He did well in school (I never tried in school) after that we both wanted to get our permits we both asked her she said alright my brother got his physical and took his permit test and got it. Me, I asked her when my physical would be she pushed it off saying soon. Asked weeks later again pushed it off. Well now it’s been about 2 years I still don’t have it. When she took me for a physical at 18 i got the form they give to take the test and AFTER my physical she tells me there is a form that needs to be printed off the DMV website (there was) and it completely hurt me that she didn’t say anything till after. I asked her if she could schedule another she said I just got one so I’ll have to wait well I’m 19 got another physical in March ask to get my permit she said Why don’t you go ask your grandmother or friends to take you. My friends all have jobs and don’t get off till late. My grandmother runs a day care so she can’t. Family has come up to me saying how she treats me is terrible and if I ever need anything from them they’re there for me. Yes I know that’s touching but I feel like my mom shouldn’t just push me aside and not care about me. Just recently I gotten my hair cut 3 weeks later (so this week) she looked at me said oh when did you get a hair cut?! I said 3 weeks ago (my hair was noticeable different) I pushed her and said that just proves you (her) doesn’t care about me or even notice me. She just threw up her hands and pushed it off like it was nothing. I had a break down that night and cut my arm with a knife. I know it’s bad to do but I just want to feel something. ): love pain I don’t care anymore. I’ve been so depressed not being able to drive or do anything independently because I can’t get anywhere. I feel so distant from my mom I don’t talk to her about anything in my life besides work. When I did go to the doctor and got a mental health test done he was worried I might be have depression and scheduled me with a therapist well about 2 months into it she said do you feel different I don’t feel like it’s working and she said it was a waste of gas and said that we were done going (meaning me) which I didn’t mind at the time what teen wants to go to therapy right. Well now I don’t talk to anyone openly just cut off. Anytime I get heavily emotional about things (family and stuff) I cry and cut myself. I know it’s not healthy but I don’t know what else to do. It feels like it helps. This is probably the wrong section to talk about this but I just need advice or soemthing I’ve told her that I feel like she doesn’t want me to be apart of her life like I’m just so insignificant to her that why bother putting effort into something that will eventually fail.):