Row tutorial

[annandale]

I've literally never had one. Or at least, never had one that was OK. I had a biggish row with dh about ten years ago, we agreed we would have to split up, I went for a walk, came back, we had dinner... can't remember after that. No shouting though, we just got quieter and quieter. We had a sexual row, ish, and I never forgot something that my poor dh said in that discussion because it hurt, so I basically stopped talking about sex. Then my XH and I didn't really row - we had a major area of disagreement where he thought one thing and I thought another, we tried discussing it perhaps twice, and then we stopped talking about it, and then I left him over it.

I'm single at the moment and in therapy and am [facepalming] a lot over just how utterly clueless I am about relationships.

Any books about how to row? Can you explain how a row happens and then ends and you don't spend a decade brooding over the horrible things the other person said??

I think you have to be confident that the other person loves you and is letting off steam. You have to understand how the other person rows. I grump and flare up, My usually placid husband fires back, we stomp off in different directions but usually come back together half an hour or so later and jointly apologise for blowing up, say I didn't mean what I said in anger (nothing too bad, usually "I've had enough, I want to split up, you can do what you want on your own!") and say that we love each other then discuss whatever was upsetting us a little more rationally!

You have to let it go and remember the millions of good things that they've said and done that outweigh the argument. We don't have many, mostly when we're tired or I've got pmt, and they're never nasty.

Not a book, but I've found this podcast really interesting/useful:

www.jaysongaddis.com/podcast/