Cutting of family

[TinkerBelle01]

Hi, I’m currently in psychiatric hospital with severe anxiety and depression, the fourth stay in as many years. I grew up surrounded by conditional love, abuse and rejection. This is the cause of my illnesses. Today along with my therapist, I have realised that I need to walk away from my family, Mother, Stepdad and sister.

I’m in so much anguish and the pain, overwhelming sadness and guilt is unbearable.

I’d be greatfull to hear if this gets better and if anyone else has needed to cut of their family.

op, I dont know what to say.

I adored and felt totally loved by my DP but my siblings have been cut off.

My dh on other hand has had life long issues with conditional love by his DP.

I think the thing to do is - is not make any big pronouncements that are difficult to get back from, just in your head take gradual steps to withdraw. I suspect you have tried to come to some middle ground with them and failed. Often people who have such issues are those you cant talk to or find reason therein.

Start to withdraw and turn down invitations etc.

If it’s not too triggering have a look at the stately homes thread

It is full of people who have to deal with toxic people

Sending lots of love.

I hope you start to feel better soon op and they are looking after you.

Given you are in a hospital and your medical team feel that this would be the best thing for your recovery then perhaps you should give it serious consideration. You need to get better and this is more important than anything else and must take priority.

But baby steps Op. One day at a time and reassuring yourself that it is enough just to be well. That the pattern of abuse means you will feel desperately sad, abandoned but that feeling will pass. Allow the feeling to come and go.

I am no contact with my family, I completely understand that feeling like of epic grief and loss. But they are still there. So send them light, love and prayer but not with verbal contact so that they can hurt you again.

Sometimes I feel that tide of pain. I hold and comfort myself as I would a child, I reassure myself that all is well with them and me. It is the best thing for all of us.

You don’t need to stop loving them, but that doesnt necessarily mean having them in your life if they are damaging you.

It does get easier in time I promise. It is a process and you will soon feel more balanced and independent. Don’t think about forever. Just take a day at a time.

Your MH first, everything else second. Sending you 💐

'I’m in so much anguish and the pain, overwhelming sadness and guilt is unbearable.'

I absolutely recognise your pain and I hear you. It is truly overwhelming and the grief is intense. There is no short cut through it I'm afraid. It will get easier though, over time. It sounds like you are making a very positive decision for yourself and your emotional well being.

I am very low contact with my family and yes, the pain does get much easier to bear. My guilt is now a fraction of what it used to be. My life is definitely much better when I hold them at arm's length. I was in therapy for years and it was extremely helpful, also very painful, so it's really good to hear that you have professional support too

Send you lots of strength x

Thanks, I have today told them I need a complete break, no communication etc. Now I feel a sense of shock and deep sadness and pain.

Thanks what you say makes a lot of sense and the emotions you describe are how I’m feeling

Thank you, your words help

Yes, it can feel like a huge shock, even if it was your decision. It's like a bereavement. Go very easy on yourself x