Do leopards change their spots?

[Miasmom]

Does anyone believe a cheating man can change? If he’s deleted the girl off social media along with all their messages does it mean it’s over for good or are the promises just empty? Should I trust this guy or move on? Any advice and experiences welcome x

I think you should prepare yourself for the cheating to continue, if not with this girl, then someone else.

How long have you been together? How old are you both?

I would move on.

Move on. Life’s too short to be with somebody who abuses your trust.

How long have you been together?
Is this someone he got a bit too close to over social media or has he had an actual physical affair?

I think people can change, but if you're not tied together with marriage or children then why would you even consider it?

I wouldn't know. I'm a one strike and you're out kinda person.

speaking from experience, no. they just move on to someone else after a few months of “behaving”

sometimes after enough time has passed, they start speaking to the original girl “as friends” again, because they do whatever they want to do, despite your feelings. they might have no intentions with the original girl, but think its their “right” and they can be friends with whoever they want, you’re just being controlling.

One thing I've learned is that you can't end someone else's relationship. If they were happy together, the fact that you make them end it, doesn't mean it does end. Maybe it did in the past, when there was no way of contacting someone, but nowadays it's impossible to monitor it (nor should you have to, I know.)

It rather depends on what the leopard's spots usually look like!

How long have you been together?

How long was he unfaithful for?

Do you know why he was unfaithful?

Has he ever been unfaithful in a previous relationship?

Was it a one night stand, or was it a longer term fling?

Nope in my experience few months of good behaviour then they start again second time around for me that I know of and now pregnant and in a mess

I’m also pregnant that’s why I don’t know what to do about it:/

Congratulations on your pregancy.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Move on, cnfide in family/friends in RL - wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.

No

Leopards stay leopards.......

Sorry OP, I don't think they do. It's usually just temporary that they stop I think.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and set out your standards clearly. You will be fine

Well, no they can't ime. Don't do what I did-forgave him and went on to have another dc with him. He didn't change, and my biggest regret is that I exposed my dc to unhappiness in that I prolonged the agony, thought he'd change, and finally ditched him when my oldest was almost six. If I'd grasped the nettle earlier, my beautiful boy wouldn't have gone through the pain of his arsehole father being around so long and letting him down continuously.

Everything is fine now. Ex hasn't seen the dc for over four years. They are very happy.

It’s crap I’m 8 months now every day I wake up and think why am I doing this wish I had of left him the first time dd was 6 months old 2 years later I could have met someone else or just have been happy on my own! People are quick to judge but when your pregnant your vulnerable and hormones are the worst I don’t have many friends so spent a lot of my time alone I took him
Back because I was lonely I guess everyone is different but I constantly wonder where he is and what he’s doing I wish I had the balls to throw him out

People exist who have cheated once and once only. The world is a bit to colourful to make blanket statements that are 100% consistently true.

But if my partner cheated I would never gamble on them changing their ways. It's too unlikely.

The trouble isn't just the cheating per se, but the lying; deviousness; did; ego trip; thrill of the chase/ conquest; enjoyment and thrill of going behind your back; gambling on not being caught, disregard for your feelings; lack of compassion and empathy; lack of foresight; preferring the company/ sex of another; lack of morals; lack of care; enjoying the humiliation of you; not valuing you; lack of trust....the list goes on...those are all the other character flaws you have to contend with when your partner cheats.

You'd have to have a serious lack of self worth to want that in your and your DC's life.

Or you could turn a blind eye to it all like a friend of mine did after putting up with a serial cheater after 22 years of marriage.

Do you know what made her finally give him the boot apart from becoming a shadow of her strong, intelligent, independent and feisty self?

Her RL friends told her to think about what sort of role model she was being to her teenage DDS. Why was she being a doormat and loving him when all he did was take take take take and cause her untold humiliation and misery.

She realised she couldn't pretend to play happy families to everyone and her DDS any longer. His humiliation of her was complete.

But she didn't want her DDS to follow the same pattern: put up and shut up.

Now she is in a wonderful relationship with a great man and she wished she stopped trying to perpetuate a myth for all those years that all was well as it just made people feel sorry for her, no one believed her fantasy and she damaged her mental health in trying.

With the best will in the world @Misamom this is your third thread in as many days about this situation. The replies are pretty much the same on everyone. Please listen to them for your own peace of mind.

fluffyrobin wrote pretty much everything I would want to say.

Deleting people from social media seems to mean nothing. You'd need details of a plan of action and some indication that he's consciously chosen to give up his cheating behaviour.

Has he joined a Men's Group to talk about his decision to give up cheating? Does he feel cheating is something natural and tho' he thinks he can abstain for a while he's not contemplating this abstinence being permanent?

Have you discussed what you both mean by your relationship and whether or not it's exclusive until you part (whether that's by agreement or death)?

I think Leopards can change their spots, but they are still Leopards underneath.

Pretty much. People always think they're going to be the special ones to withstand cheating but once people feel entitled to cheat, they do it again. It may be next week or in 5 years, but they just do.

I'm not one to excuse cheating, as my ex-H had an affair. BUT, I do know lots of people who had exit affairs and have gone on to have 2nd relationships and marriages where they haven't cheated, so I'm not sure you can say with absolute certainty that once a cheater is always a cheater.

You might be able to say once a not very nice person, always a not very nice person - but not necessarily a cheater IYSWIM.

I believe cheaters can change...but only if they are remorseful, accept full responsibility, understand why they did it, can be fully transparent and demonstrate their commitment through their actions .. talk is cheap.

With a new partner, yes, but not with a partner they have already cheated on.

People can and do change, but they usually only change for themselves, not for other people.

I'd be binning it off TBH.