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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unhappy marriage

6 replies

FrenchFancie · 25/06/2018 09:58

I’m unhappy in my marriage, have been for ages. We have a dc, nearly 6. When I was 7 months pregnant it came to light that he was heavily into scatology (wee and poo sex) and has been using the computer to download images of this. Some of the images were of university aged students (we are both in our late 30s, these girls were of the ‘barely legal’ type iyswim). We very nearly broke up at that time as I was disgusted by his behaviour. It’s always hung over my head since then and I’ve never been 100% happy. I’ve just discovered he’s got a second Facebook profile under a fake name, although there’s not much on the profile I can’t get into messenger to see if he’s been messaging people or not. I know he’s got 31 unread notifications so it’s a profile he must be using in some way.
Tbh i want to leave but there’s an added complication - I live abroad and I don’t know how to get Dd out of the country and back to the uk. I have no income in my own right and, due to visa issues, I can’t work in my own right here, so I can’t stay here with DD. However I’m sure oh told me that in this country only the father has PR and I need his permission to take DD home (which would not be forthcoming).

I’m royally shafted, aren’t I? Anyone got any advice?

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 25/06/2018 10:14

Blimey! What a shocker. Have you spoken to your parents about it? Not the behaviour. About coming home...?

FrenchFancie · 25/06/2018 10:28

No I haven’t - my parents are divorced, my dad is an alcoholic so not much support there. Mum might help but if I even mention it to her it will be all around the family like lightening as she loves a good gossip and a crisis.

OP posts:
bluetrampolines · 25/06/2018 10:30

Phone Womens Aid in the UK.

lolacola13 · 25/06/2018 12:40

Is there a way you could get in touch with your local MLA for the area in uk you're from? Even try going to the uk consulate in the country U reside in??

arranfan · 25/06/2018 12:54

Contact Women's Aid as PP suggest and see what they recommend. There have been many women in your position in countries where fathers have the PR.

shiklah · 25/06/2018 13:00

Can you create a reason to all come back to uk ASAP?

Friend living in South America’s grandfather died suddenly and she had to return for teh funeral and will reading (her dh was money obsessed so it worked). Once she was here she refused to leave, eventually he left (4weeks later I think) and she’s never seen him again.

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