Telling 5 year old he's gone

[mrsshelby44]

My bf hit me on the weekend and I have of course broken up with him and cut all contact.

Just wondering how to explain to my 5 year old DD why she won't be seeing him and his daughter anymore without taking away a bit of her innocence.

DD was asking if he was coming round tonight. I just said not tonight and she said is it just me and you then. I said I think it will always be just me and you now, but pretty sure she didn't understand.

We were together just under a year.

Any advice would be appreciated

I’m sorry to read this OP, but well done for ending it.

I’d tell her that he hurt mummy’s feelings and that you and her need only kind people in your lives.

And I’m sure it won’t always be only you and her from now on. Take your time, but don’t let him spoil your chance of happiness when he’s not even in your life anymore

Sorry this happened and well done for getting rid! That's not the behaviour you want your daughter to think is ok.

My ex left after a similar time to yours but under different circumstances, my DC is 4.5, I didn't say anything until he DC asked and I just said sometimes people just don't like each other anymore but Mummy will always love you & will never leave you. Leave it at that, don't make a drama but equally DC needs to know the world can be a bit shit and we sometimes have to suffer a bit of heartache.

Good luck and stay strong.

A friend's bf killed himself a few months back. She explained to her DD that X had gone up to heaven and was happy now (they'd split up over his nasty temper). Her DD, aged about 5, accepted this totally calmly. I think it's how you tell them.

Don't promise it will be just the two of you forever. How will she feel if you find s lovely new partner? It's a bad idea because you're setting her up to be jealous of anyone who threatens to join your little duo.

Thank you it's just shit isn't it 😔

Mrsshelby, yes, it is. Comfort yourself that you've done by far the best thing. When you read the Relationships board in so many of the worst stories lies the truth that if the poor woman involved had binned the bastard after he hit her the first time none of the rest of it could have happened.

So you're canny and brave. You have protected your DD. Time to feel proud of yourself.

I would tell her that he did something horrible and mean and that you wont be seeing him anymore, but youre excited because you will be able to spend more time with your best girl x

I wouldn't recommend saying the ex was horrible and mean. That puts too much emphasis on something OP is wise to gloss over. Her DD is only 5. It's not as though she's witnessed repeated abuse. Simply saying that the ex is not coming round because he and mummy aren't getting on is perfectly adequate.

Hi OP

So sorry this happened to you. But you have done yourself and your daughter proud showing her, that you value your worth and hers and that you won't put up with that behaviour. An amazing lesson for her, she will in time stop asking for your Ex BF
She has an amazing mum!

Just say that although you really liked him for a while, you've decided to not go out with him any more.

I don't think you need to have a long explanation for your DD. Just tell her that you and ex have fallen out and sometimes it just happens. But it's OK because you have each other and you're fine.

Brave lass, well done. Just tell her that sometimes people are friends and sometimes they are then not - she will probably understand that in the context of nursery/ school.

Thank you for all your kind words and advice it's very much appreciated and needed. She hasn't asked for him today yet but we've been at youth club so I'll see what happens at bedtime! thank you xx