Anyone gone NC with one parent when parents are still married?

[partypooped]

Namechanged as this is sensitive and could be outing.
Had a party on the weekend for DC birthday, family around, lovely time had by all. My parents stayed on a bit.

DF mentioned that he'd seen something for a car I have off the road at the moment, a lot cheaper than I would have expected. DH commented that that may be the only option, but we've bought a part and waiting for someone to quote for the work, and there are various avenues we could explore. DF shot down everything DH or I said with "yes, until it stops working". DH said that while he's probably right, we'd like to try out what we've thought of first, as we won't know unless we try. No need to worry, it's our car, we'll sort it.

DF then stormed out of the kitchen swearing saying he couldn't listen to this anymore and wouldn't sit there and argue with DH

This is not the first instance of total overreaction on his part while in conversation with DH. It really upsets me and yesterday it ruined the lovely afternoon we'd had. Very tempted to just go NC, but I'm not sure how it would work if he lives with my mum and I still have a good relationship with her.

Anyone ever done this successfully?

Bloody hell - NC over this??

Yes very very irritating but NC is for the very worst. This just isn't up there at all.

How about being mature and having a conversation about it?

Yes, we have. We are NC with my step-FIL but now do have some contact with MIL. Her partner (not my dh’s dad) has a history of child sexual offences. That’s a whole other more complicated situation and for awhile we had no contact with MIL either due to our concerns about her unwillingness to support us in keeping our dc safe. We see her now. She comes to visit us alone or we meet her for a day out. Unfortunately, we are forbidden from visiting her house as her partner won’t allow it because we won’t allow him contact with our kids and he doesn’t think that’s ‘fair’. Anyway....but seriously it sucks. It means we can never spend Christmas with her. My dh can’t visit his childhood home. We aren’t able to attend family gatherings (even though it’s my dh and dc’s biological family, not even his!). I wouldn’t wish it on anyone if there was another way. Unfortunately for us, we have no choice and have to protect our kids no matter how effed up the situation is.

In your case, let everything calm down and steer away from those sorts of conversations in the future. It doesn’t sound like a reason to tear your family apart if there are other ways of dealing with it.

I did it for 5 or 6 years. It had elements of a sitcom - if he answered the phone, I asked to speak to Mum in my best "politely giving orders" voice, and used same to inform him I wouldn't be answering his chitchat. I addressed post to Mum only, and made insanely complicated arrangements to see her without him (she was very much under the thumb). It worked in terms of making a point, I guess.

I agree with Springy that this looks more like a flounce than a determined effort to reduce the impact of an overbearing boor on your lives. Have you already had Hard Talks with them, asked him to tone it down & so on?

I know an insufferable man who interferes in everybody's life - he is Always Right & his given role, obviously, is to inform everyone else (loudly and at length) just how Wrong they are. I've no idea how his adult children put up with him! He can be made to knock it off, but only by a man being very direct. Might it help if DH tells him where to go with his "advice"?

I’ve gone NC with mum but still talk to dad. Been over a year now and the emotional fallout is still horrendous.
Are you sure NC is what you want to do? There’s reducing annoying fuckwittery/overbearing fools and there’s cutting someone off for your own sanity because of a lifetime of abuse. Agree with PP about reducing contact first if it’s the former rather than the latter.

Thanks for all the replies. This has gone on a long time (almost from the start of mine and DH relationship), and before that it's all I can remember him being like - I grew up walking on eggshells in case something I said was taken the wrong way
Anyway I confronted DF. He demanded an apology from DH , said he needs to show DF more respect then proceeded into a half hour long character assassination of DH. I made any number of attempts to stop him, stick up for DH and try to make him see that it's all unfounded, but to no avail.
Having calmed down somewhat now I've decided to just reduce contact to being pleasant, DH (understandably) will it be speaking to him again.
Bloody families eh??