Namechanged for this.
We’ve been married 2 years. In our thirties, no children.
In my twenties I was in an abusive relationship which escalated into violence and culminated with an apprehended violence order. Due to this history I’m jumpy about any signs of physical aggression in relationships.
My DH is not controlling and there have never been any red flags of an abusive personality.
But. On two occasions he has been aggressive towards objects during arguments (overturning a small table, throwing something). I made it very clear to him on the second occasion that I will NOT tolerate any aggressive acts in an argument because of my previous experience of violence. It’s a hard line for me. DH agreed that his behaviour was completely out of line, and promised he would never do anything like it again. I told him that if it keeps happening, I will pursue a separation. He agreed this would be a reasonable response to his unreasonable actions.
Well, it’s happened again. Last evening during an argument he kicked over the coat rack.
I’m torn on whether I should follow through with what I said about separating. I feel if I stay, it’s just going to keep happening, and may escalate into aggression towards me (violence towards objects is considered one of the precursors of DV). I don’t want to start feeling like I’m walking on eggshells around someone who can’t control their temper. Been there, done that.
But at the same time - it was just a coat rack.
Aside from this our relationship is pretty good. We do argue occasionally, but not more than other couples I think.