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Original poster

Seriously lost

19 replies

Noodlee · 24/06/2018 19:32

I don't know what to do! I feel so lost. My partner and I have an 8 month old who we both adore. He is a good dad and cares for me a lot but we argue constantly. I can say I'm more unhappy than happy. I love this about him but I don't know if I love him anymore. We live in a council house together. I'm 20 he is 21. There are a few things I'm struggling with.

He is really weird about family. His family aren't close but mine are and his live in Ireland. He thinks my family gets way too involved, he gets annoyed thinking they overstep but it's just them loving her.

He has put on a good bit of weight and I don't find his body attractive. He eats so much shit, doesn't like most veg and fruit, only eats mushrooms really.

I have to think before doing anything,will he get annoyed or upset about it first.

We argue a lot and get really angry at each other and I'm just so sick of it I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Original poster
Noodlee · 24/06/2018 21:42

Anyone?

OP posts:
Want2beme · 24/06/2018 21:59

The atmosphere at home must be unbearable and affecting you and DD terribly. Do you think counselling would help?

Your family sound very supportive and as long as they are aware of boundaries I can't see the problem. It's so good to have a loving family that care.

Have you met DPs family?

ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates · 24/06/2018 22:06

What do you argue about? Your family may need to back off - he wants to be with you, not your whole family. The early years of parenthood are challenging for anyone - if you can hold it together things will improve with time. I nearly left my DH when our first born was very young (mainly due to his family), we've been married 31 years now. So glad I stuck with it.

dragontwo · 24/06/2018 22:08

sounds tough. remember that having a very young child is challenging at the best of times. Do you think he will change? If not, do you want to stay together?

Original poster
Noodlee · 24/06/2018 22:08

He just isn't a family person at all and his family aren't close while mine are close and I love that and he feels mine gets too involved and he doesn't like that but I think it's fine

OP posts:
Lozxx · 24/06/2018 22:09

Literally understand everything you are saying, it's like I could of wrote the same thing about my life expect not being attracted to him. We have a one year old but argue loads and I have mental health. I have no advice but to do what's right for you and your baby. He can still be a great dad, even though you are apart

Original poster
Noodlee · 24/06/2018 22:14

I care about him and when we are good we are so good but it's just not good as much as it used to be. Like he would find if weird if my sister wore our lo in a Moby wrap but my mum would be fine because "it's different"....It's exhausting! We were raised so differently

OP posts:
Lozxx · 24/06/2018 22:47

I totally get exactly what you are saying. I feel like the arguments get worse every time. Relationships can be so draining and then having a baby too. Yeah the whole family thing is what I'm going through right now, he's not close at all to his but I am so close to mine. I don't really get it because I can't imagine being without mineConfused

Original poster
Noodlee · 24/06/2018 23:04

Exactly. My family are a pain but they are my family and we are close and we step on each other's toes but his are polar opposite and aren't close at all so he thinks my family get too involved and are always there and that they have more of a say in our daughters life than him...Like I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates · 24/06/2018 23:20

Are they always there? If so they need to take a step back. You're saying "I'm fine with my family being so involved, so I'm not going to do anything to address his problem with their level of involvement". Well then you may as well just end it now if you won't compromise. Sounds like you would be happier living back with your mum.

Original poster
Noodlee · 25/06/2018 07:44

We see them like 1 or 2 times a week. It's things like where we went to this animal park for my nephews birthday on Saturday and my sister's partner kept asking for cuddles when my partner was holding her for like 5 seconds and got more cuddles than my partner. My dad does make digs but he is only joking and they have a good relationship but the digs are getting to him. He thinks they feel they have a say in how our lo is raised because they give lots of advice and do things like take her dummy out, say yeah to get eating things before we say yeah etc.

OP posts:
mzsink · 25/06/2018 07:52

That would piss me off too tbh. I don't blame him. Relationships are about compromise

Original poster
Noodlee · 25/06/2018 19:11

Today my mum was minding her as I started training for a job. We told her the day before she only has a bottle in morning and night. My partner dropped her down today and brought a spare bottle just incase. My mum gave her the bottle today and now he is annoyed saying she just gave it to her to give it to her and that she doesn't need it. This has pissed me off because she is just doing her best and clearly forgot like I just feel he is being ungrateful

OP posts:
Original poster
Noodlee · 26/06/2018 06:54

Bump

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 26/06/2018 07:18

If you're arguing all the time then it doesn't sound like a good atmosphere for your baby or you.

Tbh your posts sound so unhappy, are you sure you want to stay with him?

Singlenotsingle · 26/06/2018 07:46

So the DD had an extra bottle? Is it important? There's no hurry to get her to grow up, surely? Dp should be pleased the family are interested and involved, and twice a week doesn't sound too much anyway.

You're both very young, he's already controlling and I can't see this lasting much longer

Chippyway · 26/06/2018 08:22

I’d be pissed off if other people decided when/what my baby had to eat as well

I get you like your family involved and there’s nothing wrong with that. From your posts I understand why your DP would feel the way he does. It’s little things. Maybe take a step back? Nothing wrong with your family being involved and helping out but the decisions should still lay with you and your DP when it comes to the baby.

Them giving her food before me saying yes would piss me off too.

Original poster
Noodlee · 27/06/2018 19:44

I think there is so much more to it too that I have left out but this is just the main one. We just aren't clicking any more. But at the same time when I feel something whether it is excited or upset/angry he is the first person I want to tell. But I think that is because we have been together for 2.5 years and been through a lot together. But it's just not working anymore and that's really hard but it's constant arguing and I can't do it anymore

OP posts:
Gruffalina72 · 27/06/2018 20:46

"Have you ever changed your behaviour because you are afraid of what your partner might do or say to you?"

I have to think before doing anything,will he get annoyed or upset about it first.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

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