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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

what happens next?

20 replies

cylonbabe · 24/05/2007 11:21

this morning's argument became rather heated. (i'm stitch btw). i said i wouldnt let him mess up ds's life the wya he had messed up mine. basically i stood my ground. my usual technique wherebty i tell him to calm down and stop shouting at me and we would discuss this when he was calmer didnt work. argument got more and more heated. he whacked me, i whatcked him back. he grabbed me round the neck stranglingly, i called to ds to call the police.
so they came. well, after scuffle for the phone, then him begging me not to do this and ruin our lives and the neighbours weeing evertyhgin, as if it was all my fault. he even tried kissing the side of my face, soemthing he hasnt done in many many years. ds scared. dc scared. etc etc.
they have arrested him. i dont want him to go to jail, which they hav e assured me wont happen. i dont want him in the house anymore. but i just wish to god this hadnt happened like this.
my head hurts, and i wish i could just sti and cry, but ive spent years and years doing that and it doesnt get you anywhere. u wabt nt gead to stop hurting so much.

OP posts:
SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 24/05/2007 11:26

he'll be out of the house now and you can start making a peaceful future for you and your children. I know how horrid it feels now, been there, done that but you will feel better soon.

kittypants · 24/05/2007 11:27

no advice but.hope its all ok.

hayes · 24/05/2007 11:29

sorry to hear this, be strong, he is out of the house now so now you can start to rebuild you life without him.

hayes · 24/05/2007 11:29

sorry to hear this, be strong, he is out of the house now so now you can start to rebuild you life without him.

cylonbabe · 24/05/2007 11:40

except that he isnt really gone as such.
he will be back to get his stuff at the very least.
than k you for your messages of comfort.

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 24/05/2007 11:47

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Maybe the police being involved is a good thing. You will have opened the door now to all the help and support you will need. Both for you and your DH.

Don't feel so bad about it, you did what was best for you and your child. Use all the help that is available. Good luck xx

SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 24/05/2007 11:48

you can request that he has a police escort when he comes to the house, that will stop him from any further outbursts or trying to make you feel sorry for him. Also, try and pack his stuff ready so it's at the door waiting for him, he doesn't need to come in and prolng things then

This is what I had to do with my ex-husband.

hang in there

Ifonlyhewould · 24/05/2007 11:50

So sorry to hi jack but Sugar, how did the blood tests go? Do you have underactive thyroid? Sorry if i missed it, ive not been around much lately xx

SuGaRCoAteDPoiSOn · 24/05/2007 11:53

lol, hiya IOHW.. the blood tests came back normal so I don't know. Apparently I also don't have PCOS which was diagnosed when I was 18 and I saw a consultant about for a couple of years, so I'm baffled and so is GP, I've got to go and have some more blood tests but not got round to it yet

There's definitely something because yesterday was really hot, around 26C I think, and I was wearing a jumper and still feeling cold while everyone else was sweating.

Sorry for the hijack cyclonbabe.

Carmenere · 24/05/2007 11:58

Oh Stitch, I'm so sorry for you however you can't live like this, you know that, it is not right for your dc's. Let him get his stuff and then change the locks. Make this the last time he raises his hand to you. xxxx

cylonbabe · 24/05/2007 12:00

thank you.

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cylonbabe · 24/05/2007 12:01

i wish my head would stop hurting.
thank you for your kind words. i must get his stuff in the car i guess. then he can just take his car and go.

OP posts:
bananabump · 24/05/2007 12:01

God, you poor thing. I really hope you get through this with no more violence, it must have been horrible for you and your kids. As SCP just said, get the police to come around so he can't start getting angry or messing with your head again. He lost the right to being treated like an equal partner the minute he hit you.

How are you feeling now, are you ok? Do you have family/friends around you?

cylonbabe · 24/05/2007 18:48

well, i had a nap. then a long chat with my parents. then went to school to get ds2 then id promised the kids id take them sweimming. i think they liked that.
apparently the police let him go about 3ish. dsis left work early and he is going to go to her house. she will talk to him.
never id d get the stuff in his car. which is still parked outside.
there is so much history, and only now is he thinking, 'omg, my wife wants to get rid of me!'
ive only been teling him i want an end to this marriage for several years.

OP posts:
bananabump · 24/05/2007 19:04

Just stay strong and stick by your guns, honey. He had no right to hurt you in front of your kids, even if he's an otherwise great person, you can't let him do that to you or them, and it will only get worse.

Don't envy your sis having to talk to him! Bet she wants to kick him in the goolies.

cylonbabe · 25/05/2007 00:16

can we please give an mn prize to my dsis for being the best sister in the world?
she has spent several hours talking to him, and giving it to him straight. and actually makeing him listen to the issues in our marriage that he was either blind to or insisted were all my fault.
her voice is hoarse. its midnight now and she has spetn the entire day on this, exce pt when she was at work, which she didnt get int ill late for and left eearly for.
he's staying at hers tonight.

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cylonbabe · 25/05/2007 00:16

i think it would have been kinder to him to have been kiked int he goolies.

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bananabump · 25/05/2007 11:56

hehe! So what's the upshot? Is he coming home, having a break away or are you getting rid? Seems a lot of effort to spend on him if you were just planning on heaving his stuff onto the lawn!

You seem more cheerful anyway, how are you feeling?

cylonbabe · 25/05/2007 14:09

no, i wont be heaving his stuff on the lawn although the image has a lot of dramatic appeal, it might be difficlut to get child maintenace out of him afterwards.
ive sent him an email telling him i want either a different, more positive relationshiop, or i want it finshed and over with, but like civilised humans. told him to phone me.
i 'm more positive because one my head isnt hurting so much anymore. and two, i cant sit and cry and be miserabel for so long. takes too much energy and nothing is acheived. i want all this over with. i need to feel free again. had enough of misery.

OP posts:
lou33 · 25/05/2007 14:12

i can relate to all this, it's v similar to what i went through, i really hope you find peace x

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