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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant friend has an arse for a boyfriend

4 replies

babyblue2 · 24/05/2007 11:10

in my opinion anyway, what do you think? She's 7 mnths pg and been with bf for 18m. Twas joint decision to have a baby, though he was more keen than she. She's at home most nights (like most people) but he insists on going out on the town/playing cards 2-3x per week, plus works late shift in pub. He hardly spends time with her and when he does go out its rare he's back before 3 am. He's not messing around, its just the fact that he HAS to go out and chooses to over her. She's very insecure (always has been with low self esteem) and now goes totally OTT, ringing him to find out where he is, when's he coming home so she's not helping the situation at all, pushing him away in fact. How would you feel if this was happening in your relationship. When she talks to him about it he says that this is what all blokes do (mine doesn't). She says she loves him and he can be very lovely to her. If this relationship ends she'll be on her own with baby and will not be able to afford mortgage, therefore will have to sell house and move in with parents. He's 28, she's 32.

OP posts:
Chattyhan · 24/05/2007 11:20

This sounds exactly like my relationship! We got over the original hurdle by him having set nights out and set nights in. He had to start helping me round the house and we seemed to be doing alright. Now baby number 2 is on the way, we've been together for 5 years. DS is 2.5 and he's thinking of leaving! My life is pretty much like a single mum anyway as i'm in every night often on my own and do everything around the house. My life is lonely and DP is selfish. If someone had warned me when i was pregnant 3 yrs ago i'd have done it on my own - life with a dp who doesn't want to be there is no life at all!

babyblue2 · 24/05/2007 11:32

I think its totally unfair. I would hate it and I expect their relationship to fizzle out, either by her deciding she's better off without him or by him being pushed away by her. She's really struggling and spends most nights in tears.

OP posts:
Chattyhan · 24/05/2007 14:45

If your friend wants to talk to someone who's been there i'd be happy to help!

I've been hoping for the last 4 yrs that he'll grow up and change and i've just realised it's not likely to happen!

macdoodle · 24/05/2007 14:59

Me too the resentment and arguments grow it is no way to spend a life - mine ended with DH having an affair (and worse)..and begging to come back but not really changing - unhappily she won't be told it is soemthing you have to realise for yourself - and unfortunately the old adage is true "love is blind"....

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