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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Your suggestions please in telling my mother we're going on holiday without her ....

7 replies

clumsymum · 24/05/2007 11:09

We went on a cruise last month, and my mother came as well. It had been her idea to come with us, she basically told us she was going to book the same one as us (rather than asking if we minded), and she stuck with us for most of the time. The 2 or 3 times we did do something alone, I felt quite guilty, as much my own invention as her saying anything, I'll admit.

After we've come home, my mother keeps saying how much she enjoyed it. She makes no secret of the fact that she'd like to do it again.

Dh feels rather differently however. I said we probably wouldn't be going again for a couple of years anyway (we normally do 'big' holidays occasionally, rather than an ordinary one every year).

Anyway next year will be our 15th wedding anniversary, and dh wanted to do something special for it. So he's persuaded me to book a 3 week cruise (it's fantastic), but said I mustn't tell my mum, at least not yet.

Obviously she'll have to know eventually. But how, and when, do I break it to her?

Right now I'm praying that her friend asks her to go with her (they have done that before, but friend kept crying off for this year, hence mum decided to come with us), but if that doesn't happen, I feel a major guilt trip - offence session coming on.

Any ideas, other than my idea of telling her that dh booked it as a surprise for me, so that it's him she hates?

OP posts:
MissGolightly · 24/05/2007 11:12

I think you should be honest - say that as it is your wedding anniversary you particularly want to be alone as a family/couple. I think it is more hurtful to realise people are lying about an uncomfortable truth.

Sweeten the pill by saying you would like to do a family trip with her another time, perhaps something shorter/cheaper eg a long weekend in France?

I holiday with my dad a lot as he is alone and otherwise doesn't get to go away with anyone. But he fully understand if I say that, say, in August I am going to Italy with DP but next spring we'll take a big trip and would love him to come.

SSSandy2 · 24/05/2007 11:15

I would say: Well you know our 15th wedding anniversary is coming up? We've booked a special romantic holiday to celebrate. We're going to ...., is there anything special you'd like us to bring back for you?

mylittlestar · 24/05/2007 11:23

I'm afraid I'd go with the coward's way. Say dh has booked it as a surprise romantic trip and he will not be telling you where you're going until the week before and you're so excited that he's done this for you as a special treat for your anniversary!

Then soften the blow by suggesting a weekend away or short break with her another time...

mylittlestar · 24/05/2007 11:24

(I think that telling her the truth and 'hinting' that you want it just to be the two of you, would probably not work from what you've said. She went ahead and booked last time without asking! So I wouldn't take the risk tbh!)

Twiglett · 24/05/2007 11:26

ask her to have the kids whilst you go away with DP

hayes · 24/05/2007 11:30

agree with twigglet

also you could arrange a break for just you and her?

clumsymum · 24/05/2007 13:15

Twig,

Funny you should say that, actually om our last day of last cruise, DS suggested that next time He and Granny could go on the aurora (a family ship with kids club) while dh and I went on Artemis (adults only). It seemed like a great idea to us, altho' Granny herself didn't seem keen.

So perhaps we should cancel ds's booking to come with us, and send him and granny off on their own cruise!!

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