He doesn't want any more children...

[FiveForTen]

Sorry, posted in AIBU but haven't had many responses as yet. Maybe relationships is a better board.

I'm due baby number 1 in November. We always talked about having two children, it was always the general consensus, so we could raise them together and they'd not be lonely or longing for another to play with evenings and weekends. DP has a daughter who is with us 6 nights a month (3 nights every other week) and one evening every other week after school.

He's just announced randomly that 1 more is enough and he doesn't want anymore after this one... I'm in shock! It's the first time he's ever said this, and to tell me before this baby is even born came as a massive surprise. I feel sad, that this will be my only pregnancy ever, it's made me feel really low and I feel a bit trapped.

How can I cope with this internally? I feel like it's ruining my pregnancy and my feelings towards DP.

I think this is an awful deception by him. If you have always wanted two children and he told you he only wanted 1 you could have weighed it up and left him before you were pregnant and started a family with someone else who wanted one. He has taken this choice away from you. It's alright for him as he now has 2 kids. I would be fuming and questioning whether he cared about my feelings at all. Especially when he expects you to help look after his other child. Seems like everything is on his terms here.
I think you should tell him you want another child whether it is with him or with someone else. He has lied to you and deceived you.

@snarted I would be more than happy to have that conversation before we had any, but I'm pregnant and can't just leave if he has changed his mind. I just want it out of my head so I can enjoy my pregnancy. It's so hard. I don't know why but I feel really devastated.

I understand you feel devastated and I would too. I think it is because he told you he wanted to and you made plans based on that and now he has gone back on it.
There is still a chance he could change his mind once the baby comes and it could be due to anxiety over the baby coming perhaps? Regardless you have a beautiful baby on the way and deserve to enjoy your pregnancy.

Is there something about this pregnancy that has caused him to change his mind? Excessive moaning sickness, attention seeking, overspending, change in work goals etc?

@Grasslands was off work for a week with sickness, bit of bleeding, haven't moaned at all, still at the gym 4/5 times a week, still working full time, still have a great sex life. Nursery decorated and everything sorted. I don't think it could possibly be that!

@Grasslands oh and most of our things have been hand me downs. We did everything as cheaply as possible. We are both on the same page and think that all baby really needs is food, love, a nice place to sleep and a safe car seat. Everything else is unnecessary and we can buy as we go along if we decide we need it.

☹️ I guess you will have to ask him.

Hey Fiveforten, has he given his reason? What age are you both? Could that be a factor?

Honestly I'd be annoyed with that. If he told you before you could have left him.

I never wanted just one child....and if my DH said that...I'd have made it clear this could be the end of the marriage, so I could have kids with someone else.

I feel that strongly about it.

He's changed his mind, and you haven't. Obviously, something has changed, his work commitments, financial commitments, feelings, maybe he has a Godawful relationship with his ex but you won't know if you don't have a candid and honest conversation......

Maybe he's not enjoying your pregnancy, and doesn't want to go through it again, or be tied down for another several years !?

If YOU had been the one to change your mind and you told him, ' Sorry, I can't go try though this again ', where would he stand then !?

I think you should focus less on this ' imaginary second baby ' at this point and enjoy your wonderful pregnancy......

When a woman gives birth to her partners baby, ninety nine times out of a hundred, it completely melts their hearts......

Play the long game.