Mumsnet
Talk Relationships Create new thread
Today 13:48
Subject:
Desperate help and advice I have no one else to talk to about my failing relationship
Message:
I have joined today as I have nowhere and no one to talk to. I feel totally broken again.
I've been in a relationship for 17 years. We met and his mum refused to meet me as I was a single mum, even though had my own home and a good managerial job. I have always given 100% to us and worked damn hard to make a good future for us and my daughter. He has visited his mum 3 days a week for the last 17 years including every Saturday. He has a great job and works full time so my weekends have always been on my own bar Sunday. His mum has never wanted to get to know us. So after moving in with him, refurbish his house, selling mine and we then buy a home together. For years it was the same, we did nothing together, he visited his mum, saw his friends and basically had a single life with the benefits of a marriage. I worked myself into the ground working as a business manager, doing everything in the house, decorating and never really having a social life. I then suffered a nervous breakdown and was receiving hospital treatment for 3 years, that was in 2009. We separated but lived in the same home as we both owned it. Then as time passed we decided to sell the house as he had a idea of us getting back together and buying houses to refurbish and make money to give us a good life. I agreed. He promised things would change. We bought the house we are in now 2.5 years ago and is now finished. I have organised everything and done most of the work includine laying floors, I am very resourceful and can do most DIY. He still sees his mum 3 times a week, goes golfing etc and I have been here working like crazy to invest in our dream. He is quite lazy, never really takes me out. I've asked him about being transparent with money as I have no idea how much he earns, bank accounts etc. As we are both getting older I think we should plan for the financial security of us all including my daughter. He said he would write everything down but it needs to be in a sealed envelope? I have viritually begged him to spend a Saturday with me just once in a while but he won't. He once said he is with me as I am low maintenance. I have tried to get on with his mum and agreed she could stay with us Xmas past and I went to so much effort for her but in the 5 days she was here all I got was snipes and horrible remarks trying to undermine me. He said nothing. After Xmas he asked his mum if he could stop going on a Monday from work as he was tired, she totally blamed me and caused a lot of upset, hence I don't see her anymore so back to square one. It really hurt. Now the house is finished it's due to go on the market Monday and again I've had to sort everything, he doesn't seem bothered. I have no family apart from my daughter and I lost all my friends when I became ill. I literally have no one. A lot more has happened over the years but he just seems to want to live a single life but have the benefits of a live in partner. Our sex life i's non existent. I am going through menopause and still suffer with bouts of depression which I take medication for. I am a total mess and honestly don't know where to turn. He says he loves me but I feel lonely, insignificant and taken for granted. I don't want our relationship to end but it's seems there has been 3 people in this relationship, the other bein his mum. I am so confused and feel heartbroken that my dream is just collapsing around me.