DH moved on

[Totallyshockerbeyondbelief]

He moved out a while ago and has had a girlfriend for a few months. He sees us as separated.I thought it might fizzle out & he has said it isn’t something long term but he is still seeing her.
How do I cope with the hurt that he is sleeping with someone else. It is a real stab in the heart we have been together over two decades & she is almost two decades younger. I have very needy small kids (inc a baby) so am not able to get out and about much right now

Are they his kids?

Were you thinking of having him back after his fling then? I don't think it sounds like he's coming back...

See a solicitor, sort contact out properly, etc. He's ahead of you in this thinking, need to catch up and quickly!

I'm not sure what you mean by he sees you as separated. If he doesn't live with uou wnd is in a relationship with someone else, you have separated. Were you hoping it would end and he would come back?

I think you need to see a solicitor also and get this sorted officially. Is he paying all he is due etc, have contact with kids?

Yes his kids.
Was too confused to know what to think but yes agree with your last paragraph.

Thanks
Both really useful bits of advice

Yep, you need to get moving, sorry, know it's not easy but he'll divorce you whilst being fancy-free before you know what's hit you.

How are your finances? You were together a long time but that was then, this is now and you need to put your oxygen mask on and get help.

Seriously ignore all the whys and hows and will he come back? Solicitor, first thing tomorrow...

Yes
Guess I just need to adjust as quickly as possible to us being in a coparenting relationship only

I'd go ahead and file for divorce. Sort out custody/visitation in the meantime. .. so you can have time to yourself.

He might be shocked when you file....and start trying to come back. The reality if the cost may shake him up...but I'd still go through with it.

Why will you even want him back?
Sort out contact and get your life back. You are worth more than being his sloppy seconds

How long has it been since you split op?

It doesn't sound like you've accepted it's over, and are struggling with it.

Is there anything anyone can do to help? Basically I think it's just time. And keeping busy so as not to dwell on it

Are you coping on your own?

It’s been too long to admit to -embarrassed !

Yes I don’t want sloppy seconds. Better just wake up and accept.

Nights with a baby are hard but am coping

It can't be that long if you have a baby. Be gentle on yourself, this is hard and you were together for a long time.

Don't be embarassed. Twenty years is a long time, and on another thread a couple of people said it was an average of one month for every year to get over it. I think for awhile it's normal to hope it will all blow over and life will return to normal.

Plus no one knows you here, you're anonymous, so you can be honest and get support. You'll find others who have been through similar.

My emotions are all over the place going from all the different things mentioned in all of my above posts

Understandably.

Emotions will come and go, they are the weather of your brain.

If you're not quite ready for a solicitor, you can go to your local CAB. They can talk things through with you.