Please tell me to get a grip

[MrBeanTeddy]

Me and ex had a tough relationship, he's all "woe me", when things are tough it's always about him and his feelings.

It came to a head and I ended it, I couldn't deal with his woes as well as dealing with the miscarriage and also trying to keep things together for me and my DS.

He's shown me how horrible he really is by telling me that the miscarriage and ending up in hospital (unrelated), is karma for the way I treated him.

Why do I miss him??

You miss him simply because he made you believe he was the best you could get.
He lied op.
You are well rid.
Now you can find a nice dp!!

You miss the nice him, the one who made you happy and made you feel loved. It’s totally normal and understandable.

What you must keep reminding yourself is that the real him is the one who hurt you so deeply even when you were trying to grieve and process your own trauma. What he said cut deep, and was absolutely unforgivable.

He can’t hurt you any more, and every time you wobble and want to go back (because it’s totally normal to have those feelings) picture his face and his voice as he said those terribly hurtful things to you.

When you’re ready, in your own time, you’ll find someone who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.

I’m sorry for your loss

He's a horrible man, he's horrible person, he's a horrible human being.

You deserve SO much better.

Please know that.

Thank you for your replies. I'm glad I have somewhere to go when I need my head wobbled!

I think the hardest part is knowing I've got to "Start again", finding someone and having another child. Some times I feel it's easier to go back to what I know and just carry on with him.

At one point I had a DP & another DC on the way. Now I have neither.

I feel like I've gone back a few steps

I think the hardest part is knowing I've got to "Start again", finding someone and having another child. Some times I feel it's easier to go back to what I know and just carry on with him.

10 years ago I could have written that OP. I left an extremely abusive marriage, and still missed him sometimes (I know, right?). It was just me and DS1 and I felt utterly hopeless, that I wasn’t enough. But then I took some time to put myself back together again, to process everything and to make plans for the future.

I loved being single, and I wouldn’t have changed it for anyone but DP. He showed me what it’s like to be loved, properly. We’re a team, I’ve never known that before. He took on DS1 as his own and we have DD and DS2 now too.

I don’t mean to rub it in your face, quite the opposite. I never believed I’d be in a relationship again, much less that I’d have more children and be truly happy.

It can happen and I’m sure it will happen for you too.

I would try and view it like SoddingUnicorns's experience: you haven't taken steps backwards, you've taken a great leap forwards toward a happy, fulfilled, loving future with somebody who respects you and supports you instead of hurting you.

Carrying on with him would be taking (massive) steps backwards. What you're doing now is moving you forwards.