Is my work friendship ok?

[snowwhite12]

I have a work colleague I get on very well with. We're both married with kids. We get on very well - have crossed no boundaries but we message frequently in the evening - usually about work stuff but often funny stuff about work. I can't work out if it's ok or heading the wrong way. I suppose I'm wondering if anyone has experience of relationships which started like this developing into something more? Thanks

Is this reverse because PP are assuming you are the wife, but you didn't mention whether you are male or female in your OP.

It doesn't matter either way, but I'm wondering whether it's reverse.

My advice is, if you're questioning whether it's purely platonic. Then you have in your head that it could turn into something more.

If it's reverse, then something has made you uncomfortable hasn't it?

If you have to question it.....you know it's not 100% ok

If you have to question it.....you know it's not 100% ok

I disagree. I question things a lot as I play things too cautiously, my dh is the one who wants me to do more.

He was suggesting I go on holiday with my male friend to do our hobby together. I was the one thinking that was inappropriate and despite him trying to persuade me otherwise, he won’t change my mind on that.

I think you are treading a very thin line.
This is how affairs start.
Be very careful it's easy to cross the line when in your head it's just "friendship"
That's how my husband saw it. But it was very more than just friends to me.

There are a few men at my work I get on well with and would say are friends. But the most I ever do is like their Facebook stuff. I think if you are exchanging texts outside work hours then a line has already been crossed tbh. You are thinking about each other outside work and doing something about it.

I think if you are exchanging texts outside work hours then a line has already been crossed tbh. You are thinking about each other outside work and doing something about it.

Is this because OP & her work friend are opposite sexes... or do you have the same opinion for same sex work friends? I'm on holiday & text a female colleague yesterday to see how work is - is that ok or should I not have done that?

I have a work friend (male) & if I applied the wisdom of Mumsnet to our friendship we'd be so far into an emotional affair that even I'd start to question whether or not we'd slept together! Thankfully we & his wife live out here in the real work where men & women can be friends & nothing more.

if your dp is ok with the content and frequency (and knows 100% truthfully about the content and frequency), then i think you're ok from your side.

if your colleague's dp is ok with the content and frequency (and knows 100% truthfully about the content and frequency), you're ok from that side as well, so crack on!

if there's any misleading, on either side, then you should probably back off, as one or both of you is likely to push the boundaries at some point.

It's ok to have friends & Its ok to send messages to friends and Im sure your DH would agree. You mention that you feel like it's heading the wrong way. It's obviously not right to continue unless you want to chat with him more than your DH then go for it .... BUT let everyone know what is what you sound grown up enough.

How do your spouses feel about it?

You see each other all day at work. Why do you have to talk frequently after hours?
Why don't you save your evening time for your family.

I've had a couple of very close male friends and would easily have chatted like this had the technology been around. We knew each other for years when both were single or taken and there never was anything other than friendship.

So I don't see there's anything wrong with enjoying the friendship and banter of a member of the opposite sex and it not be at all anything other than friendship.

I think it's fine to have friends of the opposite sex, but you just have to be careful not to cross any boundaries. Such as talking to him more than your DH, getting too close, confiding in him about your relationship, flirting, etc. As long as your DH knows, and you'd be happy with him to read them, then it's fine.

That being said, my ex started getting messages from this girl at work. He said it was nothing to worry about so I forgot about it because I trusted him. A month later we broke up and two weeks later he was with her.