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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Camels and straws

4 replies

scoobyfuckingdoo · 23/06/2018 15:14

Been with husband 20 years. Married in a flurry of rebellion and lust. It's been hard. I've endured physical abuse for the first 5 years of marriage, intimidation, I've dumped my whole family because that's what he wanted and I had to back up my stupid, stupid decision to marry this man in the first place.

I've had neighbours tell me he's made a pass at them through to finding messages to other women and an extensive catalogue of porn on his phone. I've endured lies about debt, big massive amounts of debt. Oh god, there's so much when I look back. So so much.

So today he looked at a woman and I cracked. I absolutely flipped because I'm so damn sick of being disrespected. I don't care how petty it is. I've just cracked.
My kids ask me why I'm still with their father. They can't stand him and over the years I've brushed it off as him being stressed or tired or drunk ( yeah, icing on the cake, he has a big drink problem too ) .

I've told him do one, fuck off, get lost, jog on, leave. My neighbours must think I've lost the plot as this was outside! He's gone. Hasn't taken clothes or anything.

So. What do I do now? I guess I need to hear practical advice. I have no money. I mean zero, zilch but I don't care, I'd rather be hungry than do one more day of this hell.
We rent a house. Both our names on the contract.
I'm self employed, feast or famine and have two teenage kids to support.......I can do this can't I?

The thing that's empowering me right this second is that I'm not crying. I actually feel relieved. This is a good sign isn't it?

Anyone else out there been pushed to the edge? How did it end? How are you now?
It's going to be ok right?

OP posts:
pog100 · 23/06/2018 15:25

Of course it's going to be fine. You are clearly an articulate, intelligent and perceptive women who has been badly treated and held back by a useless man. You will be much better without him. You have half your life ahead of you to enjoy properly. Get to it and do it!

Rach5ll · 23/06/2018 15:33

Take a deep breath. You will be fine. I made the plunge 3 years ago. I'm financially, emotionally, physically better off & so are the kids. It's an unbelievably good feeling to be safe & secure in your own home. I didn't realise that I lived with constant lump in my throat & butterflies in my stomach until they'd gone Smile
Only down side is that I'm starting to feel a bit lonely, sworn off men but I might have to go back on that at some point!

Thamesis · 23/06/2018 15:34

Well done Scooby. You're going to be fine. More than fine. Of course you feel relieved - he sounds like a nightmare.

Look into benefits to support you if you need to. Speak to CAB maybe, regarding tenancy? Pack up his stuff and clear him out of your home. Confide in a friend for support. Don't backtrack - you've made the right decision. Your kids are going to be so happy for you FlowersWine

scoobyfuckingdoo · 23/06/2018 15:40

Thank you guys so much. I think I'm in a bit of shock but still not crying. I'm assuming this is perfectly normal or should I be looking into getting myself sectioned ?! Joke.
I can do this. I just don't want to back down now.

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