Been with husband 20 years. Married in a flurry of rebellion and lust. It's been hard. I've endured physical abuse for the first 5 years of marriage, intimidation, I've dumped my whole family because that's what he wanted and I had to back up my stupid, stupid decision to marry this man in the first place.
I've had neighbours tell me he's made a pass at them through to finding messages to other women and an extensive catalogue of porn on his phone. I've endured lies about debt, big massive amounts of debt. Oh god, there's so much when I look back. So so much.
So today he looked at a woman and I cracked. I absolutely flipped because I'm so damn sick of being disrespected. I don't care how petty it is. I've just cracked.
My kids ask me why I'm still with their father. They can't stand him and over the years I've brushed it off as him being stressed or tired or drunk ( yeah, icing on the cake, he has a big drink problem too ) .
I've told him do one, fuck off, get lost, jog on, leave. My neighbours must think I've lost the plot as this was outside! He's gone. Hasn't taken clothes or anything.
So. What do I do now? I guess I need to hear practical advice. I have no money. I mean zero, zilch but I don't care, I'd rather be hungry than do one more day of this hell.
We rent a house. Both our names on the contract.
I'm self employed, feast or famine and have two teenage kids to support.......I can do this can't I?
The thing that's empowering me right this second is that I'm not crying. I actually feel relieved. This is a good sign isn't it?
Anyone else out there been pushed to the edge? How did it end? How are you now?
It's going to be ok right?