Boyfriend is driving me mad!

[Booboo1020]

Name changed as some of my friends use this site and know my username.

Just need to rant really.

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and are moving in together in October. At the moment we only get to see each other 3 evenings per week. He has lots of good qualities and I do really love him.
HOWEVER, he can be extremely irritating at times and it’s starting to really make me pissed off.

For example - last night I was exhausted after a very stressful week at work and I also had bad period cramps and was just wanting to cuddle up and relax with him. I put some music on and he starts singing along loudly in a silly voice. This is funny for about 5 minutes but soon became really irritating when he wouldn’t stop for ages and I had to tell him to ssh. I then try and cuddle in and kiss him and he starts pulling really ugly faces to try and make me laugh. Again, funny for 5 mins but when he wouldn’t stop I had to tell him (in a jokey way) to stop being so annoying. When I was trying to kiss him he was doing things like prodding me, pretending there’s a spider on me, tickling me, licking my face, putting on silly accents, or just kissing me in an OTT way. I can’t have any sort of normal conversation with him when he’s being like this either as i’ll Just get daft responses to whatever I’m saying. He was clearly finding it all highly amusing so I just rolled over and said I was going to sleep and turned the light off (all of this had been going on for over two hours now).
This happens fairly regularly and it really annoys me as we hardly get anytime together and I feel like it just wastes our time when we could be having a nice, relaxing evening.
Other times it can be really great and we have an amazing sex life and get on very well. But at the moment it feels like 50% of our time is spent with him acting ridiculous (he’s a 34 year old man!)
It’s funny to be silly together sometimes but not for the whole evening when we haven’t seen each other for a few days and I’m exhausted and not feeling well.
I’ve spoken about it to him before and he always apologises and says he’ll not do it as much. A week or so later he’s back to doing it though and it’s driving me mad. It’s making me start to dread seeing him after work when I’m tired, and I’m now having doubts that I could cope with living with him.
Sometimes when he arrives at my house, the first thing he’ll do is start prodding and tickling me and it will instantly put me in a bad mood.
Maybe we just aren’t as compatible as we first seemed.
Would this annoy you too or am I being a bit harsh? I told him this morning in a very direct way that it’s pushing me away and he apologised again but no doubt he’ll be back to doing it by next week

This is my 2nd husband.
He does this as he is trying to cheer you up and doesn't want to see you sad. Does he have people pleasing tendencies?

Still, you find it annoying and he is the way he is so just not compatible.

It really doesn't matter why he does what he does. What matters is that you don't like it. You need to think hard now - do you want to move in with him and accept that he will be your long term partner?

You know he won't change, you said he has said he will and failed a few times. So this is him. The more serious, educated man has a silly childish side.

Do you want to live with both of them?

If not then you need to do yourself the courtesy of ending the relationship before it makes you more miserable.

*That 50% of the time is him being himself and the other 50% is toning it down for you because you’re constantly nagging him.

You need to accept him as he is and stop trying to fix him. There’s nothing wrong with him wanting to be silly. It’s just not compatible with your personality. It will be with someone else’s though.

As to him not being interested in your advances and you keeping at him and throwing a strop when he didnt return them... maybe stop annoying him? He didn’t want to kiss and cuddle on the sofa.*

So to sum up, OP should stop “nagging” him by wanting to not be tickled and poked and just accept it. BUT, she should stop annoying him by wanting a kiss, cuddle or adult conversation. No double standards there then....

No, I think the OP either accepts him for who he is or doesn’t. Instead she’s trying to change him. There’s nothing wrong with him. I’d hate to be in a relationship with him (and wouldn’t make it past a few dates) but I’d just break up with him instead of telling him his behaviour is wrong and how he needs to change, according to me. I think he was annoying to her. I think she was just as annoying to him.

Had a flat mate whose bf did something similar. Towards the end, she had told me that she had asked and asked him not to do certain things (can’t quite remember exactly what now).

But he came round the next night and started doing the exact thing she had told him annoyed and upset her and was reconsidering the relationship. I remember thinking ‘I know she had told you she doesn’t like that. Why???’

They broke up 2 days later and he was devestated. We are talking standing outside our house yelling at her to talk and bombarding her with calls until her dad answered and told him to stop.

But by then, he had eroaded any love she had for him and she got to the point she couldn’t stand him anymore

Imagine how he would behave if you were in labour.

No, I think the OP either accepts him for who he is or doesn’t. Instead she’s trying to change him. There’s nothing wrong with him. I’d hate to be in a relationship with him (and wouldn’t make it past a few dates) but I’d just break up with him instead of telling him his behaviour is wrong and how he needs to change, according to me. I think he was annoying to her. I think she was just as annoying to him.

Totally disagree that there's nothing wrong with him. As others have said, he is not respecting OP's boundaries (e,g. Prodding her, licking her, when she has repeatedly told him to stop).

What happens when he won't take no for an answer when he wants sex?

“What happens when he won't take no for an answer when he wants sex?”

That won’t happen because he’s going to get run over by a bus the previous night. As long as we’re being ridiculous and plucking hypothetical situations based on fuck all out of thin air, what happens when the OP has won the lottery and decided to buy herself an island and dump him?

I’m sorry whatever personal situation you have Shumpa, that would have caused you to so massively overproject and come out with that.

This would drive me nuts. My db used to do it to girlfriends and they’d just get really pissed off. He still does it now to his dw and dc and it pisses me right off that he ignores their boundaries and requests for him to stop. So fricking annoying.

He doesn’t respect your boundaries, OP and won’t stop being childish. Do you really want to move in when you’ve persistently asked him to stop and he hasn’t?

This is just who he is, OP.
He sounds like one of those childish ‘zany’ men who have everyone else rolling their eyes behind his back at any social gathering, and feeling sorry for his wife.
Don’t be that woman.

last night I was exhausted after a very stressful week at work and I also had bad period cramps and was just wanting to cuddle up and relax with him

You are ‘upbeat’ in this scenario? I certainly wouldn’t be.

Read up about ‘attachment theory’, if it interests you. He’s picking up on your mood and trying to cling to you when he feels you are pulling away. Whether you ARE pulling away doesn’t really matter...that’s what he is sensing.

It sounds bloody annoying but I think it seems clear why he’s doing it.

But the OP says he’s like that very regularly and not just when she’s tired with period cramps. Doesn’t sound like the attachment theory to me. Just sounds like he enjoys being immature and finds it funny to get a reaction