Advice.....

[arghhhhhhh]

So just dropped dcs off with their dad - we've been separated 4 years.

He announces he's met someone new. That's all lovely however he only split with his last gf 4 weeks ago.

He was due to take the dcs on holiday in August to a caravan for a week with his last gf and her son. I liked her a lot, she was lovely.

He told me 4 weeks ago they had split.

Tonight he's told me he's been seeing the new girl for 2 months (he's clearly cheated on his ex with the new girl) and wants to introduce the dcs to his new gf and her 5 dcs already! Also he has already invited the new gf to come along with her kids on the holiday he was supposed to go on with the old gf!

To make matters worse.....my dcs think he's still with his old gf! He hasn't told them they are no longer together. Which I didn't think was a problem....but I never expected him to meet someone else so quick. Dcs constantly talk about his ex and her son. They grew quite close to her son. They've asked me why they haven't seen them for a while and I've just said 'they are probably just busy'. And I thought it would just fizzle out and they would stop asking. And it's not my place to tell them anything anyway.

I was just gobsmacked at him. And unbelievably angry he's already asked this woman to go on holiday with them!

Now I know I have no say in it. He's a parent too etc etc. So I don't need any replies telling me there's not much I can do about it as I already know.

But I told him I'd appreciate it if he considered the dcs and waited at least 6 months before introducing this new woman and her kids.

Also ds is autistic so how the hell he is going to cope with going on a holiday with a woman he hardly knows and all her kids. He can't cope with anything social so that would be so hard on him. And I need to know more about the new gf before I feel comfortable around my son. Like I say, last gf was great. She really took her time to get to know ds.

I'm just angry! But what can I do??? Nothing :-(

He didn't end up saying what he was going to do. Clearly he's already invited this new woman along on holiday and I've probably gone and made it very difficult for him. So now he will portray me as the bad one to the new gf when in reality I'm just a mum trying to protect her children. They've already been introduced and created a new relationship with one woman....it didn't work as he most likely cheated. Meanwhile he's got a new gf and my poor dcs still think he's with the old one....and they are going to be introduced to this new woman and her 5 kids.

Anyone?

Hmmm... This one's a bit of a show stopper isn't it? Everyone's still thinking...

If you have an okay relationship, could you ask to meet ex and his new girlfriend? That way you can get rid of the "mean ex" vibe he might give you, and just nicely chat to both about your concerns. If shes reasonable she might agree with you, and ex will look like an arse if he tries to bulldoze over you.
She might be looking for an out if ex is the one moving things on quickly. Not many women want their dc meeting someone after a couple of months, surely.

However he is very unlikely to agree if he was "two timing" the new girlfriend with the old one. Neither may know...

Honestly? As controlling as it sounds, I wouldn't be comfortable with them going. It's not fair to your children, or hers. They, especially your DS, need consistency and familiarity, which they aren't going to get with his new partner and her five children. How do to know she'll be able to support DS in the way he needs? Does she have any understanding or experience with autism? And you need to get to know her as well!

I wouldn't trust my kids with someone who was effectively a stranger to me. It's not fair to expect the children to go away with someone they don't know well, and especially someone who may not be in their lives for long. Kids get attached, and it's not fair to bring random men/women into their lives, play happy families, and then bugger off again. I know you can't be 100% certain a relationship is going to work, but two months is just too soon.

I wouldn't want to be in a caravan with 7 kids! Sounds like my worst nightmare! Imagine taking 7 kids to the beach and trying to keep an eye on all of them.

Yours might enjoy it though.

I would say tell them to phone you if they're unhappy and you'll go and collect them! How old are they? I don't think I'd let them go if they're tiny

My ds is autistic and he could NOT cope in a caravan for a week with five other kids and his siblings- especially when this massive change had just been thrust upon them! Your ds will need a space of his own to retreat to! This is dangerous! Your poor boy could completely meltdown which may result in either violence, distress or flight or even a combination of all three!

I would say no, he either behaves reasonably and agrees to gradually introduce this woman, or you refuse contact and let him take you to court! At least that will give your children time to cope with all the changes their selfish bastard father has forced upon them!

Must be a big caravan.
He sounds like a right wanker, no wonder you left him.
But it would b a big no from me. Totally unfair on all the children involved. Unless there's a court order involved I'd be keeping the kids with me.

I can't be 100% but I seem to think him and his ex booked 2 separate caravans so they wouldn't necessarily all be together - he obviously now has a spare one. That's my thinking anyway.

Take away the whole caravan thing, it's still wrong though isn't it?

I've read so many posts on here about how there's nothing you can do when it comes to your ex introducing new partners.....but I do feel this is slightly different.

• dcs still think he's with his ex
• dcs had a great relationship with her and her son.
• he's only been with the new one for a few weeks (he says 2 months so he's either lying and saying it's 2 months when it's actually more like 4 weeks or he has been with her 2 months but spent 4 weeks cheating on his ex - is that makes sense)
• most importantly ds is autistic. Ex isn't really involved in his autism. Never has been. When he left me, he moved to the other side of the country and has eow with dcs. So he doesn't have a clue about ds and how he works really. I've tried and failed to keep him involved but I've given up. It's actually easier on me also if I don't necessarily involve him as I only end up getting angry at this lack of interest in it. It's less stress.

He needs to be making sure this woman is the one he can see an actual future with. Honestly he's so selfish it's unreal. He's doing it again, thinking of himself over the dcs and what's best for them.

Also to who posted about me meeting her, it would be difficult as I've mentioned above, he lives a 3 hour drive away. We meet half way at a service station. I did meet his ex a fair few times as she wanted to meet me too and we got on great. But I have a gut feeling it won't be the same with the new one. I mean she has 5 kids, I doubt she would be willing to travel 1.5 hours to meet me or if she would have the time too.

The whole thing is just wrong

Also my son is 9 and daughter is 6.