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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Independent views needed please?

5 replies

rainagain14 · 22/06/2018 11:26

I am a woman in my mid 50's, divorced after a long unhappy marriage.

After 5 years single I met a man I fell in love with and after a while felt I knew him well enough to leave my country and family to go live with him in his country (we are both UK born).

After a few months together it appeared he had a bit of a drink problem, not every day but nasty when he does, verbally. He also has a bad temper, talks to me as if I am stupid, ignores me if I ask a question, and most things are his way or no way, and my opinions are pretty stupid or worthless...

I left him at the end of last year because I couldn't take anymore, but returned when promised he had changed, and for a while he seemed as if he had. But of course no he hasn't.
He says to me that I must pull him up if he speaks to me unkindly or in a demeaning way, but he is an adult, should I really need to??

He tells me how much he loves me and how much I mean to him and have added to his life, and that if I love him I would forgive him for the things he says or the way that he is..

Before I throw the towel in on this relationship, is there anything I have not done that I should have other than not ever have got involved with him?

I am not stupid but rereading what I have written makes me think I must be!
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Plumsmith · 22/06/2018 11:30

You should not have to pull him up on his behaviour. I would walk away otherwise he will start getting annoyed at you ‘nagging’ him or telling him what to do even though he has asked you to do those things! Don’t let him control you ❤️

AFistfulofDolores1 · 22/06/2018 13:02

I would be leaving the relationship immediately. There's nothing you can do. Absolutely nothing.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/06/2018 13:25

Leave now. He will never, ever change. Surely you must know this.

rainagain14 · 22/06/2018 13:28

Thanks, yes I know I must, but I wanted to check what it may look like from the outside. Sometimes its hard to keep perspective because Im so cut off from friends and family.

OP posts:
AndTheBandPlayedOn · 22/06/2018 13:51

It is lip service, and flimsy at that. Nope, be done, sharpish.

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