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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does anyone here have experience of contact allowed with fathers who smoke cannabis?

18 replies

ReginaPhalangeismyothername · 22/06/2018 10:51

Hi all, has anyone gone through the courts with this? Soon to be ex is threatening me with court to get overnight, unsupervised access to dc, age 7 and 9. He smokes cannabis and drinks every day so i obviously don't feel that this is the right environment for the children to be in. He currently sees them for one day at the weekend and then one week day evening and half a weekend day every 2 weeks but it's supervised. As time goes on I would feel comfortable with it being unsupervised if I feel sure he won't drink or smoke but I don't like the idea of them sleeping over. I know he drinks and smokes to the point of passing out and nothing wakes him. There is no way he could go the whole day and night without.
What chance has he got if it goes to court of getting overnight access approved?

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ReginaPhalangeismyothername · 22/06/2018 10:52

Oh I should add, he is prone to losing his temper when drinking and has been known to be intimidating and aggressive. I have witnesses to this.

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eyycarumba · 22/06/2018 15:12

Hi, sorry i don't have any experience with bringing this up in court, but my ex is a regular smoker and it's massively attributed to his mental health issues. The police knew about this when we went through court for other reasons but it never went any further. I would suggest getting legal advice about possibly getting him to take regular drug tests?

ReginaPhalangeismyothername · 26/06/2018 23:13

Anyone else?

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ReginaPhalangeismyothername · 27/06/2018 10:00

.

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c3pu · 27/06/2018 11:10

I don't have any direct experience of it, but when I was reading up on CAO's etc when applying for mine, one of the things I read about was that the courts aren't generally too bothered about cannabis.

If he's been smoking weed for ages he may well argue that it didn't pose a barrier to parenting while you were together and it shouldn't do now you've split up.

If you have serious concerns now that you're splitting up, consider reporting his drug/alcohol misuse to Children's Services, then if you need to fill in a C1A (risk of harm) form you can list it as a concern that you've reported, and will possibly gain you more traction.

SD1978 · 27/06/2018 11:12

Was allowed visits. No proof it was done in front of the child, and no proof that he was unable to take care of the child. No proof any risks to safety.

BertieBotts · 27/06/2018 11:20

They don't care. My ex and his girlfriend were using cocaine and my concerns were totally dismissed as being paranoid. I have no idea if they were doing it in front of DS or around the girlfriends child because DS was too little to tell me.

Drug use is apparently not an issue for family courts or social services. Luckily my ex lost interest of his own accord when I didn't fight him. I didn't have to do anything he just kept making excuses not to see DS until he broke off contact altogether.

Since the courts will not support you here I highly recommend you do the same. Be uninteresting and uncompetitive and he'll get bored and go away.

BertieBotts · 27/06/2018 11:25

At their ages though they should at least get a say. If they don't want to go overnight then that will count for something.

Supervised definitely seems sensible if you already have it.

Hecticlifeanddrowning8 · 27/06/2018 11:39

To be honest cannabis use is kind of viewed the same as alcohol in a family court. Unless you can prove he is using excessive amounts that is effecting his mental health nobody really cares.

ToesInWater · 27/06/2018 13:16

Court is an evidence based process. If you think his cannibas use makes him an unsafe dad you will need to prove it (i.e. you would need to show evidence that he is an unsafe dad, not evidence that he smokes dope). Supervised contact would only be ordered when there are proven safety concerns. I don't understand why he is accepting supervised contact just because it is what you want, you need to be aware that if he gets decent legal advice that may well change. Btw I know I sound unsympathetic but I am not dismissing your concerns, just answering your question of what may happen if he takes the legal route. I see equal numbers of mums and dads behaving badly post separation so I really don't favour one gender of parent over the other.

abbsisspartacus · 27/06/2018 13:19

Unfortunately it means fuck all my ex and his wife home educate there kids they are stoned all day long

ReginaPhalangeismyothername · 27/06/2018 21:54

Gosh, how can that be right. If he was driving around with them while he was stoned how would that affect things? He smokes until 2ish most mornings then hops in his car in the morning, I don't want him driving the kids 6 hours after passing out. There have been a few instances of violent behaviour because he is also a drinker, police were called a month or so ago.

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BertieBotts · 27/06/2018 22:37

Violence might be a better angle to go down. Unfortunately the problem with things like driving stoned is the proof aspect.

Adambarlow · 27/06/2018 22:39

So was he doing this when you chose to have two children with him? Or after you broke up?

confusedscared2018 · 27/06/2018 22:50

The family courts would want clear evidence of the impact of your concerns on the children. If a parent was smoking cannabis but their child was thriving, attending school, food in the home, no frightening adult behaviour witnessed etc then they wouldn't see an issue. If a parent was smoking cannabis and they didn't have money for food, not meeting the child's care needs and becoming violent then that's a different issue. So you'd need to evidence the impact on the child.

abbsisspartacus · 28/06/2018 06:46

Exactly it doesn't matter that it's illegal at all only if it impacts the child in a negative way

ReginaPhalangeismyothername · 28/06/2018 15:02

If he is still wrecked the next morning from a heavy session the night before surely that would be classed at negatively impacting? He does get erratic when he drinks and is incapable of having one so now I am not there to drive I fully expect him to drink drive with them in the car. It's almost like I have to wait for him to hurt them or endanger them before I can do anything to protect them.

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abbsisspartacus · 28/06/2018 16:03

True although you can contact the police about the drink driving

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