Shpuld I reply back to solicitors letter? Need advice

[Felicityx01]

Hi all,

Im posting on here as i know I'll get more responses! My ex has sent me two solicitor letters regarding contact to see his son before mediation, I have my first mediation in couple weeks but want to wait so we can communicate through a mediator as we do not get on, the solicitors keep giving me few days notice to reply, should I continue to ignore or reply back? Need advice!

Ignore.
You know ex can't be trusted to be civil.

Well I get you don't get on, but that's not a reason to end thr father son relationship.

Is there a back story as to why you're preventing him seeing his son?

Is there a reason why you would refuse to enable him seeing his own son?

Just because a solicitor has sent you a letter, even two, does not mean you are compelled to respond. Solicitors will send any number of letters on behalf of their clients if they are getting paid to do it. If there's a good reason for not contacting this man before your mediation, don't.

Nope. Ignore.
Every reply is another fee (if you have a solicitor involved as well).
The ONLY document you need to heed EVER is a court order.
Solicitors' letters are vacuous threats. They are not the law.
Only the court order IS ever the law. Always, always, always keep this in mind. It will safe you a heap of headache.

Sorry. It will save you a heap of headache. Still a lousy sentence on my part, but you know what I mean.
Show up to mediation, of course.
I am not sure how mediation goes. I went through the courts for contact. Mediation is non-binding. You might really consider the family courts (you can self-rep) so that you can put contact into a bullet-proof court order. Mediation is a bit loosey-goosey in my opinion.

I'd assume by denying access and not responding to solicitors letters you're going to war. No court is going to take your actions lightly. You can not deny a parent access to their child. Well you can, but not for long, before the courts step in and stop you doing it. Right now you're proving you cannot be trusted to allow a relationship to develop.

A child has two parents and unless one is deemed unfit for whatever reason, then they and the child have a right to a relationship. As much as a relationship as you have a right to.

Hating uour ex's guts doesn't make them an unfit parent, that's not how it works.

No where near enough information here up answer .

How long have you separated ? How long since he has seen the kids? Is he unsafe to see kids ?

Are you concerned he won’t return them ?

We split up while i was pregnant, his choice not mine, since our son was born he seen him every week 1 to 2 days a week, as my son has gotten a bit older hes had him overnight once or twice a week (my son is 6 months) a few times he's made up lies that he can't see our son because he's working but I later found out that he went on holiday with his gf Instead, he's very controlling likes it his way, we've tried to get on but his parents seem to step in the way and try to control the situation, cut long story short.. he had him 4 days that week prior to put massive argument and had him over 24 hours when i rang his mother and said I'd like to pick DS up a family member hasn't seen DS and this was the only time he was free, she said yeah that's fine,I arrived at the door verbally abusive to me saying in the lowest of the low all while holding my son and wouldn't give him back I tried to calm the situation but couldn't had my ex and his mother screaming at me and said they'll take me to 'court' and couple weeks went by and I've been receiving the solicitor letters, I arranged mediation as I really want to communicate and arrange it better with the mediator, he's gone to an appointment aswell but wants to see DS before mediation sessions, but i feel very uncomfortable leaving our son in therecare atm as they were abusive to me in front of DS made him cry and scared him, I really do want him to have a relationship with his dad but I want to wait till mediation then resume contact

[Post edited by MNHQ]

Make sure the mediator knows that he's abusive and that you're scared of him. I don't think mediation is considered to be appropriate in those circumstances.

Sounds as though the arrangements for your ds to spend time with your ex have been ad hoc so far. This will easily lead to confusion and arguments about whose turn it is to care for him. It will also be confusing for your son as he gets older not knowing from one hour to the next who will be caring for him or where he'll be sleeping that night.

It doesn't sound as though you have any concerns about the care your son receives when with his dad, so there's no reason to with hold contact from him while you wait for mediation. You do need to use mediation to sort out very regular contact times and days in the future, so you and ex, and ds as he gets older, are all very clear about the arrangements.

There will be much less room for arguments between you and ex if you then both stick to the agreement you made. This would include you not asking for your back at short notice to see unexpected visitors etc.

I'm not sure how clear you're being here op. Didn't you agree the child would be with them till seven pm. Then decide to cut it short, against their wishes then try to snatch the baby off them?

I'm not saying they are innocent, they clearly aren't, but it does seem faults on both sides. You're now withholding contact completely.

This sort of thing never works out well. They will spin it one way, you another, the court will probably find in the middle. Ignoring solicitors letters, denying access, shortening their time, is not going to work in your favour. Right now all you can say against them is they for abusive when you cut the visit short. They will say the same about you. That you scared your child, were snatching him out his grans arms.

It's not going to go well.

Bluntness100 i understand that's your opinion but you weren't there so you weren't to know, im quite offended by your term 'snatching' as that was not the case at all as they agreed to it then I showed up at the door and thats when i had the abuse come, I was under the impression it was okay, as there was abuse and pushing me out the door I reported it to the police as I was very scared and my son was scared, I'm making the necessary steps in safeguarding my son and attending mediation and hoping we can move forward I won't cut his time short at all after this argument, I'd feel a lot better with a mediator helping us to communicate as we will not be able to with what a just happened and I really do want him to have a relationship with his son.

Op, I'm just summarising what you yourself said, you said they were calling you saying not to come, that you were trying to grab your son, that you had to pry him off her. I don't understand why you're now saying they agreed to it and you didn't grab him etc, we can only go on what you say,

Ultimately I'm simply advising you to be careful here.

I dropped of my son to my exs mother at 2pm they had him for rest of the day and overnight,and my ex was going to drop him back at around 7pm on the night the following day, I said I'd like to pick up my son at 2.30pm as I'm visiting long distance family who hardly get to see my son, so my ex and his mother was ringing me saying giving me abuse on the phone his mother said to me 'if you come to this house and take him we are done being civil' trying to threaten me, so I turned up at the house they were name calling me, shouting at me, his mother was stopping me from grabbing my son out of her arms i had to pry him off, they said there taking me to court and had door slammed in my face

That is a lot of contact for the father to have of a 6 month old baby. Babies need a primary caregiver, and regular short contact with the other parent. Usually it is the mother due to breastfeeding, but am guessing you are not breastfeeding or the dad could not have had your baby for 4 days out of 7.
If he had him 4/7 days in the week prior, I'd say Dad is looking to be primary care giver and if you are not careful will actually lose custody of your baby when it goes to court.

I think you could explain refusing to hand the baby over as they refused to return him last time and abused you whilst holding your DS. That is very unhealthy.

Go to court, get a court order. Make sure you consider not just baby years, but all the school years ahead. So every other weekend, and what happens for easter, Xmas, school holidays, if you want to take him on holiday etc.

OP, we hope you don't mind, but we edited one of your posts as it looked like you'd used your son's name. Best of luck with everything.

I remember your previous posts as well OP and you were told not to come to the house but you showed up anyway to cut contact short for very indefensible reasons. You contributed to making the situation stressful for your son which you could have avoided. I think the consensus of advice was that your ex needed legal advice in terms of getting a formal access arrangement in place, which it seems he has now got.

You need to be careful here as you could be looked upon in a very dim light by the court if you continue to with hold access for no real cause. Parental alienation is something the court does look at. Your ex may go straight to court following mediation to get formal access in place.