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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking about another man

6 replies

MissDR91 · 21/06/2018 15:12

I have been with my fiancé for 5 yearss, engaged for just over a year and he is a fantastic man. I love him deeply, but I think I'm falling for another man and it's killing me inside.

I met this guy through work and we have been nothing but good friends. We worked together for 6 months, I found a new job but we stayed in contact almost daily. We give advice to each other, have a few laughs, that kind of thing. He is funny, thoughtful and a real gentleman. Conversation has never been inappropriate, a little flirty st times but that's it. He went off the radar for a week and he was arrested and is awaiting trial for his alleged crime (don't want to go into it but it was non-violent, non-sexual). He called me from jail to tell me what had happened and I said if he needs a friend I'm here at the end of the phone.

The trouble is, he is in my head day and night. We will never be together but I just want to stop thinking about him and move forward with my life. I want a future with my partner but I'm eaten away by the guilt of having another man in my mind literally 24/7.

OP posts:
ShatBit · 21/06/2018 15:15

I don’t think you can be fully committed to your DP if you’re thinking about another man day and night.Confused

XJerseyGirlX · 21/06/2018 15:16

This happened to me. Im with OM now and so happy. As hard as it was leaving my fiancé (who was my daughters dad too) im so glad I did. Hope you manage to come to some sort of peace OP whatever you decide.

StrawberryLaces0 · 21/06/2018 17:47

Once you start having feelings for someone else your relationship has probably done its course...you've found what you lack - attention, feeling wanted, etc..,in this other person. Even if nothing happened with him it's highlighted your current relationship it not enough

SoapOnARoap · 21/06/2018 17:55

Person 2 wouldn’t even be on your radar, if you were happy with person 1.

I think you have some big decisions ahead of you. Good luck Flowers

Singlenotsingle · 21/06/2018 18:57

Maybe neither of them is the right man for you?

HollowTalk · 21/06/2018 19:28

Has the other man told you the extent of what he's accused of? If it's not violent or sexual, why wasn't he bailed? That's usually because there's the threat of a big sentence and you are a threat to other people.

It seems crazy though that you would have your head turned by someone who's in prison. What is going on to make you think this guy is so great? I don't want to make you feel bad but inside he will need women to visit him and buy him things and send him letters.

You know your partner will dump you if he realises you're obsessed with the other man. You are really thinking of ditching someone lovely for someone who's in jail?

Perhaps you should see a counsellor to see what it is in you that is attracted to this other man and why you're jeopardising a good relationship for him.

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