When I met DH about 15 years ago he was quite young 25 miserable and angry. We started out as friends, I had another BF at the time, then as time grew I got to know him and actually started to try and help him find a GF!
I had an awful tragedy happen to me and DH was there for me, and carried me through it with so much love. I could have immediately been with him but I wanted to make sure of my feelings for him because he was fragile.
Anyway we got together and I never saw any signs of depression in him at all, and it turned out to be purely circumstantial due to his controlling DP.
His DP are financially helpful and DH had very low paid work, I had contract roles but 3 years into relationship I fell accidentally pregnant.
Until this point I had very tricky relationship with PILs as did DH. His DF still trying to be coercive, force him to family events, if he didnt look happy at that - that was blamed on me, he tried VLC but his relatives would only visit the pils not him and the pils would control who he saw. DH doesn't talk much never put his side across, and they speak different language so basically, his whole family would either want to see him but only at pil and bombard him messages to get him there - or have no contact with him.
Once DC came along Mil was awful to me even though we tried to include her. Again it went VLC - tried again and so on but Mil cant control herself with wanting to dress DH making negative comments all the time, always seems in bad mood, undermined us with the DC over potty training etc. Fil has dominated any event he was invited too.
We got to happy level of seeing them a few times a year, and dc are happy with that too, they love seeing GP when they have not seen them for a good while, the more they see them the less they want too.
Dh and I have been to relate a few times over boundaries and how to handle them and mil etc.
NOthing is perfect in life but I have had pretty amazing time with DH, recently however I find him retreating a little and his DF is pushing a particular situation I have told DH I do not want pils there.
I opened up his PC to look at something else and saw website open to support men with depression and suicidal thoughts. I dont know if its me, or his DP and me.
Yes I have spoken about pils before, I change details, I dont want this getting out into the mail and I hope someone can give me some advice.
His DP are so hard to manage.
we have had a very very tough year - close family death, its taken toll on me, we have a 5 year old who is hard to manage but there is light at the end of the tunnel! We have a teeny bit more money, dd is slowly getting easier, I have been a sahm for a long time and have no skills but I am looking at part time work in school and looking forward to hopefully getting a job round school hour.
We are in a less vulnerable financial postion and his df was paying for school lunches, and I asked DH several months ago to stop him from paying because he feels ownership over us, Inspite of relate sessions, boundaries etc I found out he has still got fil paying for the school lunches, and an event that fil has invited himself too - dh hasn't actually stopped them from coming too.
Part of me wonders should we just split up. Should I bite the bullett and just leave? I will never ever love or find anyone like DH but at the same time I feel lucky to have had this relationship and can just about cope with being alone. At least I would be free of pils.
But then I worry that DH altough he has been driven mad by them doesnt get or understand how awful they are for the dc.
So if we split up, does this mean pils will get more contact with the dc and just bamboozle dh into compliance.
is it worth uprooting to a different country? Its hard for dh to express his feelings. I dont know if its me or pils or him caught in the middle...