Everything happens for a reason? Really?!

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

Right now I’m going through a tough time, had to resign from my job due to a change in my working hours meaning I’m simply not able to afford to live on that salary, I’m a single mum and cope well on my own normally but recently felt overwhelmed by juggling it all. I’d love to meet someone but have few opportunities to meet a guy and hate internet dating.

Sometimes I just feel things happen for a reason, we just say it to keep our spirits up when in actual fact - life is just pure and utter sh*t at times...
Nothing to do with the universe and destiny. I honestly feel some people have more luck than others!

I’m hoping that in 2-3 years time I will see it as some form of life changing situation, in a good way. But right now I honestly think that things do NOT always happen for a reason.

Thoughts?

I agree that things do not happen for a reason. Mostly, your fate is decided by you but sometimes, as in this case, it is a decision made by someone else.

All that matters is how you deal with it. Often, I find those who believe in destiny tend to let life happen to them instead of shaping it into what they want it to be.

As for your own situation, it is just the beginning of a new chapter and the page is clean, waiting for you to write your own story.

Twelve years ago I suddenly became a single dad, had to take a low paid job I hated and life looked bleak. The kids are now almost offhand and I will be retiring ten years early because I took action so you're right - you can definitely look back at this moment and say it was the day when you took control of your future.

Thanks, I’m sort of in your situation. I’m having to take lower paid jobs just so I can have some flexibility with childcare. It’s a nightmare. I’m trying to find a solution to the problem because I’ve got good experience but it tough.

Yes, it's tough and may be for some time but one day not too far from now you will look back at a great learning experience. I struggled for about 5 years but now know I can cope with absolutely anything life throws at me.

I’ve struggled for about 3 years so far. I’m in general a positive person but it’s hard at times to see that things will eventually get better..

Some people do have more opportunities ("luck") - sometimes because of money or who they know.

When stuff get royally shitty and we get through it, it does make us stronger, and we do gain something valuable, but that isn't a reason it needed to happen in the first place. If it were, some people would not have more "luck".

I think it can be quite harmful to think there's a reason because then you can feel you deserve the shittiness, which you don't.

You are strong and will get through this hurdle.

I used to think that.
Now I think I just want to be the best person I can, doing the best I can regardless.
Also I do know of at least 3 lovely ladies who met their long term husbands / partner OLD.
maybe give it another go.
All the best.

Thanks, I’ve had too many bad experiences with OLD!

My old job which I loved, paid well and enabled me to work from home giving me the flexibility to work around my DD. Now I think I’m going to be in a position where I’m being paid less, have to work in an office and work longer hours. It feels pretty rubbish at the moment. Everyone thinks it’s good that I go back to work in an office and say you may meet someone there, but I just can’t see it at the moment 😬

I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end hopefully x

I suppose I’ve learnt that things will work out in the end because even when you think they won’t, other unexpected things happen that change the course of things. Does that make any sense at all?

Cherry, the fact that you know what you want and are obviously willing to work for it suggest to me that this will be no more than a temporary setback.

I don’t believe in all that fate thing either

10 years ago I was a single mum, homeless with 2 DC and worked cleaning toilets.

Now we have a nice place to live (rented albeit) and I have been promoted into management at my job. It happened because I worked for it! And bad things happened because other people had control and I didn’t, or I made a mistake or a bad judgement.

Taking my focus off of meeting a man has done my career the world of good, but some people would proritise meeting a partner. Neither is right or wrong but it’s very very hard to do both in my own opinion. I think focus on one thing and do well at that, instead of focusing on 3/4 things you do half as well

I feel there are peaks and troughs in everyone's life. I think you do have to make certain things happen and other things J do believe are down to fate. But mostly we need to make things happen.

I agree with you all. Finding my way - wow you are inspiring! Well done you 😊

I have always worked and own my place so I know I’m incredibly lucky. But I just want a slightly easier life and less ups and downs! But I guess that’s the same for everyone, even those in relationships I guess.

I think life just gets more difficult as you get older! x

The ups and downs do you make you tougher i think they are why I am where I am today. I had to learn a lot the hard way and learn how to be resilient (when I really didn’t want to) and now I find the ups and downs less scary.. for me, some of the worst bits already happened and I know I won’t go back there iyswim?

You can do this

"There is no fate but what we make for ourselves."
Yes, I am quoting Terminator 2, but I think it's true. I'm not sure if everything happens for a reason, but I do know that all the really shit stuff that has happened in my life has led to where I am today. Can't say if I'd have got here by any other path but it was worth the journey it's taken.
I maybe do believe things happen for a reason, but not in some cosmic cure-all sense. My take on it is sometimes the fact is said reason is highly unpalatable or simply because shit happens. Not all reasons are positive.

Also fully believe that we are in charge of our own fate, every decision matters.

Very true. This definitely doesn’t feel anywhere near as bad as what I’ve been through in the past so I feel stronger. But I do feel sad about losing a job I genuinely enjoyed. For me, the next job I don’t think will even compare 😬 but I need to get try and be positive!!

Sorry to hear about your problems. Your employer can not just suddenly change your hours and pay you less, not without going through many legal hoops. You do not have to resign for this reason, either.

I’d love to meet someone but have few opportunities to meet a guy and hate internet dating
I was internet dating for 5 years and reached the point where I just didn't believe anything good would come out of it. I went through the ups and downs of it, getting excited that I could finally meet 'the one' to be led down or disappointed over and over. I met friends who were going through the same and after years, many decided to give it up and resolved to be single forever.

I have to say that I was very close to close my account and give up to, but I hate giving up so I kept going and I won the lottery! Out of the blue came a message that was different, more sincere. I responded, we communicated, we met and that evening I emailed my best single friend and told I'd found my future husband. I had, we married 5 years ago, together 10.

Work has also been testing me in many ways over the years and last was the worse of all. Still battling on and hoping that I'll get there in the end.

I have many times wanted to give things all up, but perseverance has so far always paid off, and I am stubborn which helps, but I certainly moan and feel sorry for myself before I lift myself up and battle on!

Give going, the alternative is not much of a reward anyway.

I think what I’m struggling with the thought that you spend some many hours/days working to live I don’t want to do a job which I don’t like. So many of my friends (especially my mum friends) do jobs they can’t stand. I’ve done this in the past and counted down the hours until Friday 5.00pm came along. It would depress the hell out of me doing something I can’t stand just to make ends meet.

I don’t want to be miserable! Part of me feels like selling up and buying a place abroad outright with the equity in my property, so maybe start a buesinss - I don’t know 🤔 I just want to do something which makes me happy and a good parent.

Swing lovely to hear your story! Really pleased for you

Agreed things don't happen for a reason. Sometimes you have to fight for a better situation, sometimes it takes time.
Some people don't try. You're not one of those people so you'll be fine!

Garden I hope so 😊 my mum thinks my current job makes me a recluse because I work from home. I was always popping out and about but did miss work friends. My mum thinks if I work in an office again it’s where I’ll end up meeting someone 😆 ever the optimist! Bless her x