Am I in an abusive relationship?

[keyboardjellyfish]

I don't know what to do. We are both women, for reference. We are due to be married in April and start IVF in June.

She gets angry so easily and it's easier to say nothing and not respond because if I say anything she gets angrier and louder. If I don't respond she leaves, which is sad but it's easier to manage. She shouts at me and winds me up, I think, and I don't know what to do.

Right now I'm unemployed and job hunting like crazy (and doing sex work when I can although that's incredibly difficult for me at this time of year due to anniversary of being raped). She knows it's hard at this time of year. Not that she's helped me through flashbacks or especially difficult patches. She's employed but her job is coming to an end and she's stressed about money which I get, so am I. But she's taking it out on me. I don't know what to do. I don't have money to get out although I have somewhere I could go. And what about our three cats? And I love her so much but I feel like this is getting scary.

Could you at least go and stay with your gran for a while? Just clear your head and breathe? Stepping away from all of this and back into a loving, secure environment with the person you love and trust the most will definitely give you clarity and the courage of your own convictions, OP. I know that seeing your gran may cost ££ you don't have right now. But is there a possibility?

Making you feel like you're the abusive one is very common in people who are actually abusive. So is accusing you of what they're doing- eg., cheaters will often accuse partners of cheating. She's using you as a punching bag, so she says you are to justify treating you badly.
Women's aid are great. Foster care for pets is available. And freedom is better than living in fear and misery, trust me.