Husband with ASD?

[Madcat22]

I love my husband very much. He is decent, hard working and devoted to our children despite having had a some rough times in his past. Nonetheless he can be extremely difficult to live with. He has absolutely no interest, understanding or empathy for anybody, least of all me, unless he has experienced the same practical circumstances himself. He will not accept ever that he feels any sort of emotion and is intolerant of any body else's; expression of emotion is simply hysteria. He can be quite socially embarrassing and makes lots of inappropriate comments in company: he just doesn't get it. He is very wary around people and pretty much doesn't trust others; he always seeks a hostile interpretation for behaviour including mine and often accuses me of being aggressive etc when others don't agree. He will not accept any emotion in me and offers no emotional support. When my sister was diagnosed with cancer last year I had a little cry when she told me. My husband told me to stop being self indulgent. I had PND after my son was born: he said I was hysterical and just needed to get on with it. Our son has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. When they wrote out all the reasons why, I thought of my husband. I have always said our son is like his dad, only our son has empathy for others. What do I do with this? I love him very much. I think he loves me very much but I am with someone whose behaviour is totally withdrawn and hostile, even cold and punitive. I get such little engagement, no help, and no support. I work full time and have nobody else. It's quite lonely right now....

Can you get him assessed and then look for strategies recommended by professionals.

You can't diagnose over the internet. You need to get a professional assessment for him.
If he is Autistic then it's possible he's keeping a lid on his emotions as most autistic people tend to feel strongly rather than than feel nothing, but we bottle it so that we don't become completely overwhelmed.
Telling you not to be self indulgent though, that's not autism, that's just being an arse. If he is diagnosed, don't let him use it as an excuse, bad behaviour is bad behaviour, autistic or not. I say this as an Autistic person.

@Madcat22 check out the website www.different-together.co.uk. There’s lots of info and support for the partners of adults with asd. There’s also a great forum. Good luck

He isn't acting like someone who even likes you never mind loves you. Autism or not he's unkind and doesn't care about you.

If he is Autistic then it's possible he's keeping a lid on his emotions as most autistic people tend to feel strongly rather than than feel nothing

Are you referring to "melt downs"? This is another feature common to many people with autism - an over the top reaction to some frustration. But why assume just because someone isn't expressing emotions that they must be somehow suppressing them? Its more probable they simply aren't feeling any particular emotions at that point.

Scott, like all people, those of us with an ASC are all different. I was just going on what I do. I tend to suppress because otherwise I become overwhelmed and it just appears to others as overly dramatic. I'm not referring to meltdowns which are (for me) a completely different thing.