Do I leave?

[shewolf26]

Hey, I'm a bit nervous about writing this thread really, I've never actually said any of this outside of my head if that makes sense.

Basically I've been with my OH 6 years now and it's never really been straight forward between us, it's almost like the whole 'can't live with them, can't live without them' I love him dearly and I do think he loves me but there's no spark or excitement anymore just lots of arguing and bickering. I'm only 26 and he's 31, we have an 8 month old baby who is our world, he's a brilliant dad. He takes the piss out of me constantly and then when I get upset he says I'm being over sensitive and ridiculous basically, he makes me doubt who I am as a person sometimes, I like to think of myself as a happy out going person but he often makes me feel silly for being so out going and chatty like I should be quieter. We literally argue daily now about anything and everything. He very rarely wants to have sex now where I have a high sex drive so it drives me insane that he doesn't, he never wants to go anywhere just me and him cause he likes our son to be with us wherever we go. He tells me every day that he loves me but sometimes actions speak louder than words and to be honest his actions don't imply that he does.

None of that probably makes much sense I just needed to get it off my chest. I love him so much and I can't actually imagine life without him, the thought terrifies me! But I feel like we're not compatible and we're not making each other happy anymore 😔 has anyone been through anything similar and come out the other end better than ever? I've suggested couples therapy to him and he just laughed in my face I don't want to just give up and end it, I don't want my son to have separated parents but at the same time I dont want him to have an unhappy mum and dad.

He takes the piss out of me constantly and then when I get upset he says I'm being over sensitive and ridiculous basically, he makes me doubt who I am as a person sometimes, I like to think of myself as a happy out going person but he often makes me feel silly for being so out going and chatty like I should be quieter.

These are not the actions of 'a great dad'.

Yes, I think you should leave.

You have an 8 month old and have probably not slept properly for months or got things back on track. It takes a lot longer than this for your lives to stabilise.

Don't make any hasty decisions.

You're right PP I haven't slept properly for a long time now and I do often think the lack of sleep has changed me to the point where he doesn't really like me anymore! When does it all start to feel more normal after having a child?

They'll never be as they were. Once you get them sleeping through the night they'll be teething, then before you know it 'the terrible twos'.

The first 12 months are the worst. Till they become teenagers.

Has the putting you down while pretending he's joking actually coincided with fatherhood, or has he always done this? You say it's never been straightforward between you.

Tbh it sounds like he wants to squash you down, which is emotionally abusive. Feeling you can't manage without him and being terrified of losing him isn't a good sign, it's not a sign of love, it's more a sign of having your self-worth worn away.

He constantly takes the piss out of you then calls you over sensitive for being upset.

He's trying to knock your confidence out of you by putting you down for being chatty.

He laughed in your face when you suggested improving things.

He sounds abusive to me. The way you describe the relationship from before the baby came along suggests this has very little to do with lack of sleep. If anything, perhaps the lack of sleep is what is making you realise this is no way to live and not worth putting up with.

I agree with you that his actions are not of somebody who loves you. Somebody who loved you would want to build you up, and nurture your confidence. This man is trying to break you.

I used to get yelled at and put down all the time and then be called over sensitive for getting upset. For a long time I believed him, and thought I was the problem. Until I told someone what he was like and they suggested the Freedom Programme (www.freedomprogramme.co.uk) to me. It changed everything for the better - I left.

YY to Freedom Programme (I'm a Programme facilitator!)

It's £12 online if you don't fancy going to a group (or can't get to one)