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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Update: married the wrong man.

4 replies

Ribbon14 · 20/06/2018 16:38

Hi all,
Not sure if anyone will remember but about 6 months ago I started a thread explaining my worries that I'd married the wrong man:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3141127-worried-i-may-have-married-the-wrong-man

Appreciated everyone's advice and wanted to update as need more help...

So things improved for a while, we seemed to be getting on better. I was happier or so I thought...

Fast forward to now and my dh is acting completely selfishly again. Due to some pretty horrible and difficult things that happened in my life last year and perhaps also stress from worrying if I'd made a mistake in marrying him, I've been suffering very badly from anxiety and depression. This all came to a head a few weeks ago where I got put on Ads by my GP. This has been quite a struggle as have been having some pretty bad side effects and my dh has been a nightmare tbh. :(

Last week, I spent a lot of time in the day at my surrogate parents' house just because I felt so ill and had elevated anxiety and needed some company and he made it clear he didn't like this, sending me barbed text messages during the day etc rather than asking how I was... If I asked him to do something, he basically refused saying things like 'oh are you not well enough?'

He did nothing all week, when I got home in the evenings the house was a mess, he literally hadn't even picked up the post or shut cupboards in the kitchen when he'd got things out... He claimed because he was working, he was too tired to do these things.

He's also refused to pick me up from my friends, selfishly expecting them to pick me up and drop me home all the time.. He said 'why should I have to do it?'

The final straw was last night where he agreed to cook dinner for 8 and then when I text him to say I'd be home at 7.45 he then wrote he'd eat his now and I could have mine later. This was written in a nasty way and made me feel like I'd done something wrong when I hadn't at all...

When I try to tell him how he's upsetting me and acting selfishly, he just says he isn't and that he does everything for me... And then he pours his heart out saying how much he loves me. And then I feel like I'm the bad one for not being grateful. After this his behaviour will improve for a day or two but then it goes downhill again. This morning I was really ill and he left for work ridiculously early and went for breakfast in a cafe on his own rather than stay with me. He acted like he didn't care how I'll I felt :'(

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him and that he will get in a mood with me really easily.

Is there any hope?

OP posts:
Flexoset · 20/06/2018 16:48

Well, there's hope for you, because you can leave him.

Don't think there's any hope for him, though.

ChameleonsInCarsGettingCoffee · 20/06/2018 16:50

It doesn't sound like he likes you very much at all.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2018 17:32

If you leave your husband, you will have all of the hope in the world. You can start over and actually be happy. If you stay, you are choosing to be miserable. Set yourself free from this dead end marriage.

Gruffalina72 · 20/06/2018 22:00

What flexoset said.

And www.freedomprogramme.co.uk if you haven't already done it.

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