Should I leave him?

[Iska]

I have been with my partner for 6 years we have a little girl and live together, recently we have been going through a rocky patch and when we are good we’re really good but when we are bad it’s bad, I feel like the bad is starting to over shawdow the good now, he isn’t violent towards me but has started punching doors etc when we argue, and I’m quite fiery so I really lose it with him and start screaming, that’s just one part on the other hand I’m working full time while he isn’t working, he doesn’t do much house work and I just feel like he doesn’t benefit my life in any way other than being a dad to our girl.

I’m not sure I am happy anymore but the thought of not being with him is an awful feeling

When all the losing it and punching stuff is going on where is your wee girl?

Leave. Your dd deserves a peaceful upbringing.

Your poor daughter! Yes, I would leave. The violence may not be towards you at the moment, but it sounds as if it is escalating. Leave before he turns it towards you (or your daughter). Do you have anywhere to go?

It really doesn't sound like he contributes much (if anything) to your relationship. Get out now before the pair of you both screaming at each other damages your daughter for life.

Could he argue that he is the stay at home parent? What do you imagine would be the living arrangements for your daughter. Get legal advise and get your self sorted information wise before making a decision. Information is power.

She has been there once when he punched something the last time he done it he’s currently not at home but is begging to come back.

I would just like to say my daughters interests are always put first hence him not being in our family home, but she keeps asking when is he coming home.

The arrangements for my daughter would be she’s lives with me and he sees her regular there’s no doubt about that and he would not dispute that.

No he cannot argue he’s a stay at home dad as she goes Nursery

So he is punching things, you're screaming. Where the hell is your poor child when the pair of you are indulging yourselves in this shit behaviour?

Very glad to hear he is not living with you at present. Keep it that way! Please. He sounds like a stone around your neck. He doesn't work. He doesn't contribute to housework. He doesn't contribute to childcare. He's just like a leech! Urgh, get rid and keep rid. Your daughter will understand when she's older. Kids adapt quicker than you think.

Bluntess100 get off your high horse I asked for advice not a lecture,

She is not here she will be at Nursery or her grandparents, she was here on the last occasion in a separate room and he punched a door upstairs she was downstairs (she wasn’t aware, but that’s besides the point i know) which as I said above is the reason he isn’t in our family home.

Yeah you should leave him, he sounds aggressive and volatile

On one hand it's easy to say ltb but everybody goes through rough patches and hard times. I am not in any way advocating bad behaviour. Just taking cue from you saying he is out of work etc he is likely very frustrated with that situation and it's coming out at you when you argue because he's already so frustrated anyway.
Is he insecure at the moment not having a job? Does he think you're going to leave him for someone in a better position. Are you supporting him and remembering all the reasons you love him and the reasons he's amazing? I'm not advocating anything I'd be the first to say ltb if he was being like this for a reason but I wouldn't like your family to be split up because he can't navigate himself through a rough patch either. Obviously I don't know you just trying to give the Devil's advocate advice.

He’s been out of work for ages at the minute it’s due to sickness but beforehand it was due to sheer laziness, so if that’s he’s frustration he should get off he’s arse and doing something about it, everything seas towards me leaving him, I just needed a little advice as this is a big decision once made there’s no going back. even when I remember why he’s amazing it doesn’t help for a long period of time he doesn’t something else to piss me off and even then when he doesn’t do anything he still pisses me off because he does nothing!

I’m not saying he is fully to blame for our arguments but I guess I feel I do everything and he does nothing and it’s made me resent him, can you even come back from that?

Only you will know that. Genuinely only you. I had an ex partner who was as you describe and it escalated and I left. He had no reason to ever be angry and he got very controlling and did it all deliberately, he was cunniving and I hated it. So obviously I left.
My partner now I have to be realistic about. We've been through similar recently. He's also been out of work and we've come out of it now. But it's very much different with him. He isn't abusive in any way. He tries his best but his best isn't my best. He's also been out of work and we've had hard times.
The thing when you're a working mum is it's like doing 2x full time jobs and you expect them to be doing more and come home fuming he hasn't helped like he should.
It's improved gradually over a long long long time and were very very happy and got the magic back and turned it around and we value each other for that but I had to accept that he will probably always be a bit lazy and never what I want in that way, I will probably always be complaining about housework and he will always be complaining I overworry and stress. In terms of that stuff It might work and no man is perfect and having a happy life with him may be worth it. But don't ever ever excuse the anger, he may be particularly under pressure and stress at the moment but your safety and happiness comes first. Only you will know

You’re screaming at him and he’s punching things, even if your child isn’t actually there when you both go off on one she will be experiencing the aftermath.

Yes I’d end things if this is an established pattern of behaviour.