How to get over ex not wanting involvement with daughter?

[bouncingg]

8 week old daughter, and my ex partner (who left two weeks before baby was born for someone else he'd met the week precious on tinder) has decided he wants no further contact with our daughter because he wants to focus on his new relationship.

I'm devastated to say the least. He didn't come to her birth, he posted on Facebook the day she was born that he was in a new relationship. He posts no pictures of her anywhere but constantly says his new girlfriend is his number one girl etc.

I'm hurting for my daughter I really am. I went mad at my ex. Totally blew up. I know I shouldn't have but I'm so angry.

I don't know how to deal with this I just want to punch him in the face to be honest (don't worry I won't!) I know I just need to get on with life. But I am so fucking angry.

i dont know but i will be interested to know how aswell! my ex hasnt seen our 4 kids since december. no contact at all. one being a 13 month old baby. how do they do it?! makes me sick that someone can not want to see their own child.! when did he last see her? is he paying cm?

Does the new GF know he’s had a baby? If not, I’d be sending her a message on Facebook to let her know. I’d piss all over that parade personally. He’s utterly horrid. Left 2 weeks before baby was born!! You and your daughter don’t need somebody that immature or fickle in your life. Is he paying any maintenance?

unfortunately lots of women dont care( basing that on experience)

You can't make him be a decent human being.

Go after him for child support and otherwise let it go. No point wasting your emotional energy of a waste of space like him.

@Cawfee yes she knows :( she couldn't care less because he's obsessed with her

Try and make the best life you can for you and your daughter. In a way it's better it happened now before she got to know him. So sorry you're going through this and best wishes,

At least your dd is saved from being around such a twat. And you get to have her all to yourself - guilt free.
Having a full time great dm is all that matters ime.

What a waste of space. I don’t know how some ‘fathers’ can do this. Cut him out, he’s made his decision- don’t let him come crawling in and out of her life. If you can get maintenance off him then do.

You never know, you might meet someone in future that will be a great step dad to her instead. Don’t grieve a loss for her yet, she won’t know any different. Just make sure that she knows when she’s older that her father left because he was a selfish coward and that he’d have done it to any other child of his too.

He is clearly a selfish arsehole. It really is better that you know this now, and far better for your DD. If he was floating in and out of her life it would cause life long damage. Get on with making the best life you can for you both. No Dad is far better than any old rubbish like him. Make sure he supports her financially.

Be prepared for him reappearing as and when his relationships fall apart. And for more DC that he won't parent properly. Have a plan to deal with this to protect your DD, maybe see a lawyer?

The two of you will have a wonderful life together, and you may well meet someone else in future who can add value to your DD's life, unlike her biological father.

Oh, and block him on FB etc, and tell friends/family you don't want to hear anything about him. Like ripping off a plaster, best done quickly.

How long were you with him OP before you got pregnant? Was baby plannned or an accident?

@fontofnoknowledge not sure if that's important? But 18 months. We were engaged and had discussed having a baby in the next couple of years. He's gone through phases of wanting me back and wanting to be a family, to just going straight back to this other girl. A lot of stuff to happen in just a couple of months

But seems now he's finally given up and decided this other lassy is more important. Gutted to be honest but moving on up I guess. Can only imagine the sort of outrage if this was all the other way round.

Is this his first child?

“@fontofnoknowledge not sure if that's important? But 18 months. We were engaged and had discussed...”

I think it does matter actually.

Regarding your post - make the best life you can for you and your baby surrounded by people who care about you and committed to you. .

You and your daughter deserve better. Go for all the maintenance you can and stop chasing him. You can’t make somebody be a decent bloke. He’s far from decent. Whilst he’s in this mood, get a solicitor to draw up a residency order and get him to sign a document that says you can take your daughter abroad without his consent whenever you want until she comes of age (if she has his surname). If she has his surname you might want to consider getting it changed back to yours ASAP. Why should he get his name on your daughter when he’s doing nowt to help. Trust me, in a few years when you want to take her to Disneyland or whatever and he’s not been seen or heard from you’ll be really annoyed if you’ve got to get his signature to allow you to go on holiday with your child. Ok, he’s not interested but then he doesn’t get any future say. Quid pro quo.

It’s disgusting that he thinks he just gets to walk away from a child he created. I’ve just posted on another thread that I honestly believe that when kids get to 18, they should be able to sue absent parents like this for neglect. I also feel child maintenance should be the full 50% cost of raising a child, and if you don’t pay, you go to prison, just like the mother (or resident parent) would if she didn’t feed her kids because she had no money.

Do go after child maintenance, and then cut him out of your life. Does your daughter have your name?

It is entirely relevant.
We were engaged and had discussed having a baby in the next couple of years.

However you made a decision to have a baby now. Knowing that this is not what he wanted at that time. Probably because he wasn't yet sure of his feelings for you. Personally I wouldn't be making babies with someone I had known for such a short time. You need to be absolutely as sure as you can be that this person has the qualities you need for responsible parenting. He has shown that he doesn't.

Pregnancy is a joint enterprise. Both responsible.

Keeping a baby when you know your partner didn't want one yet, is a decision you made. It is absolutely your right and must always be the Womans decision. However you cannot make someone want to be a parent just because you make a choice.The decision to be a parent is always the individuals choice.
He is your child's father that's a biological fact.
Being a parent is a choice.

Doesn't mean he escapes the financial responsibility of being a father.
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