I have had a very turbulent relationship with my partner . I have issues. I know I have insecurity and trust issues. But I also know my now ex has lying issues and over flirty and some cheating . from the very beginning he slept with someone when we were not official and lied about an awful lot of stuff. We argued a lot over him hiding stuff on his phone . He went away on holiday and cheated on me on the money I lent him to go . We were arguing and I do believe I have made him resent me . We have been together 2 years. I found out a lot on his phone . Through some of his behaviour . He had previously had a 5 year affair with another girl on and off through some of his relationships and I only knew when red flags started coming on when I saw how they acted together in passing once. He said he regretted all his behaviour . He has made some pretty terrible priority choices . Now please be gentle with me as i have struggled to come to terms with how we really ended 7 days ago. He was being severely awful to me and I could feel the rejection . After months and months of us going through this I could feel he was trying but feeding me bread crumbs . Now I have said I have issues so now that I have 7 days to think about the way I have handled some situations . I have completely screamed at him. But he was driving me completely insane. I feel the main thing was no communication. Unresolved blame game . I know people are going to read this and think ‘move on ‘ ‘find yourself ‘ hes Not worth it ‘ you have serious issues etc. But I need to say I know I have issues and I need to work on my self esteem and start loving myself. Seven days ago I could feel myself at boiling point . I was going to above and beyond for him and he was talking to me like I was nothing and gas lighting me about a whole conversation . We ended up missing an event that had been planned for 6 months for my birthday 😔. He went home and blocked me on everything so I couldn’t contact him. He said I had spoilt everything but he did a series of horrible things to me until it got to us arguing . I waited for him to change his mind and he just let me miss the event. I couldn’t believe how he just shifts everything onto me . Now I did lose my temper. I did something I have had to live with and face and have been in bed for 5 days. So please be gentle with your comments . I got to boiling point and I told Facebook about how much he had done . His affair and the cheating and the lying. People were in shock as we always appear very happy. We have been lot happy . But I have also endured a lot of pain. Perhaps he has . I left the status up 30 minutes and took it down. I was sick to the stomach of how he could just make me feel so horrible about myself and paint some picture of me so I wanted people to know the truth. In my moment of madness I have now made my ex partner hate me. You cannot switch feelings off. I regret immensely telling people that . I have never told people outside my circle of friends before. It was noones business and I have tried to endlessly search if he will forgive me. I am racked with guilt . I have never done that before but I reached out to a couple of people who had and they said it’s awful that you get to that point . Both their partners tried their hardest to put it right when they had been publically aired.
I was very angry . I regret it I would never do it again. I wanted him to see I had snapped but I regret my decision because I still love him and know I perhaps didjt handle situations as good as I should have. I have made him resent me . I have reached out to him twice over the week and he has blanked me. I am blocked on everything . He’s removed all my friends off social media forums and told one ‘if anyone is waiting for a response ... they’ll be waiting a while’ . Meaning me. I’m heartbroken. Now everyone can pass what judgement they like but I am racked with guilt of telling everyone because people silently take people back for worse. People do endless things in love and I just want to know if he loved me he would at least talk to me or think about it if he cools down ? I believe he did love me and tried at some points . We had actually a lot of good times together went on many adventures and enjoy walking around the countryside go see bands. Cooking and I miss him terribly. My family and friends are being supportive but this has hit me so hard. I am 32 and he is 27 by the way. . I really think I have contributed to this relationship blunder which I haven’t before in previous ones. . Basically I still love him. I want to work on myself . A lot of people have said I need to work on my self esteem and work on positively sorting my life out . I regret what I said publically and have reached out to him . He has blamed me for the entire thing that got me to that point , not to me but to my friend who reached out to him. I am breaking my heart in bed while he is not really fussed. People say men destract themselves and go out’ . I have told him I still love him and know what I have done to contribute to this whole mess. But I am deeply hurt . I have not been spoke to at all since it went up. I cannot message him again . Please could anyone help me a little. Some people say he is very angry and once that calms down he may think about what he’s lost. But with him fully blocking and ignoring me for this long I don’t think he will. People have said ‘someone else’s news next week . Terrible mistake again saying on social media but I made a mistake. He has made some terrible ones too. Please could someone advise if he will reach out to me. I still love him so much.