My friend keeps talking to attached men :(

[FuckItPassMeTheWine]

Okay so we have been friends for 10 plus years and she is most of the time a really nice girl however I have really strong morals ( she knows this about me) yet she keeps on telling me about a couple of men that she is talking to on Instagram , both we basically know have girlfriends due to knowing them from the area or from some of the stories that the man will upload onto Instagram 🙄

Whenever she brings these men up , like “oh mr c has messaged me non stop today , he is so gorgeous “ I Keep on saying to her that she is basically behaving in a totally unacceptable way and it will only end in heart ache but yet she seems to continually talk to them. It’s really getting me down as I truly loathe that sort of behaviour ....

so I guess my question is what do I do with this friendship? Do I tell her I can’t be associated with her whilst she behaves like this or just avoid talking about the men in her life and let her figure it out for herself? Xx

Tell her you don’t wanna hear about it

She is an adult. She can do as she wishes whether you agree with it or not.

I dropped a friend for having an affair. Sickening behaviour!
Plus she wanted my life and my now ex husband was probably in her sights.

She has no morals and is disgraceful. I couldn’t be friends with her.

Most of the time it's due to low self esteem.

I had a friend like this, I eventually realised that it was such a compulsion for her, that if I left her alone with my husband long enough, she would probably try it on with him. Some people need their self esteem
built up, by being desired by other peoples partners, its never a good situation and usually ends badly...

I moved on from this friend.

Some people really have no standards! Maybe it is due to low self esteem but come on you still know you aren’t behaving in a respectful way ffs

Either make it clear you don’t want to hear about it or stop seeing her

My best friend was like this. She tried it on with two of my Ex's.

It was competition and proving she could take them from me - even if she had no real interest in them.

After the second Ex she tried it on with, I ended the friendship.

Thanks all for the responses , I may say to her when she brings up any of these men “have you ever questioned why you are pursuing these unavailable men, do you think you have issues with self esteem?” And let the cards fall where they may , she will probably go on the attack and say why would she have self esteem issues as she believes herself to be “really hot” (her own words) .

I’ve recently been dumped and hearing stuff like this just makes me think there is no decent men out there so it’s bringing my own happiness down to hear that shit if that makes sense :( xx

I think there's a difference between chasing someone's husband, and chasing a guy who's been dating someone for a short time, isn't living with her and has no kids with her.

I haven't done either thing, but for me the answer to your OP depends on the man's relationship. She's not going to be "the OW" imo if they've been dating for 6 months, don't cohabit, and the woman is not pregnant. I think that to suggest that it would be "an affair"is bit OTT (not that you did suggest that OP, I'm just pondering because your post is interesting ....)

Hi @SuperSuperSuper no these guys have been with their other half’s for very long time , years , share a home and have kids :(

Tbh i don’t think it matters ,in my view it’s scummy behaviour . I think people should respect others relationships regardless of time / shared assests

I just think where have my friends standards gone you know ? Why offer yourself as a side piece to someone who doesn’t view you as relationship material .

Insecurity? Thinks she's hotter than the partner, so wants to prove it?

She's not going to be "the OW" imo if they've been dating for 6 months, don't cohabit, and the woman is not pregnant. I think that to suggest that it would be "an affair"is bit OTT (not that you did suggest that OP, I'm just pondering because your post is interesting ....)

Bollocks! What does it matter!
It's about morals, your friend clearly has none. Steer clear OP.

I’ve came to the conclusion that she doesn’t care , if she thinks a guy is attractive then she will pursue him because she wants him regardless of his relationship status. So a selfish mindset if that makes sense . She only sees the gain for her and doesn’t consider the potential fall out and as she doesn’t know their partner personally perhaps doesn’t consider that person’s feelings or wrong doing on her side .

Also now that I’m really thinking about it , the majority of her prior relationships & crushes, have been with people have been attached in varying degrees 🤢 (not envy)

My ex best friend was like this. Was only attracted to attached men, even to the point where some of these men when single had approached her and she wasn’t interested, but as soon as they were in a relationship she was all over them (including my now husband which is why she is an ex best friend - I didn’t know either of them when he had asked her out on a date).

I always put it down to her self esteem - if she was rejected then she could say it was because they were attached and not because they didn’t fancy her, and also she wanted to prove with some of them that she was the better choice - I don’t recall her being successful with any of them after they were in relationships, except one, who was her manager and married. She had a full blown affair with him, got pregnant, miscarried then turned into a stalker by following him at night and raging when he was still ‘seeing his wife’. Unbelievable.

I believe she is now in a relationship although I don’t know anything about it. I just hope what she did doesn’t happen to her.

@offside wow that’s some messed up shit , truly awful 😱.

I don’t think my friend will ever change tbh so I’m just going to say something to her about it , which as I said she’ll probably go on the attack , call me judgy and maybe fall out with me...tbh I’m ok with that as I just can’t tolerate it.

A woman I was living with a uni had this 'habit' and it made me really uncomfortable so I kept her at an arms length. About 6 months after I moved out she tried to get in the shower with my 'replacement's' bf. Don't trust her!

@shiklah crikey! That’s so mental!

My friend kept on pushing to meet her past gym crush for coffee (whilst he had a girlfriend) they met a few times and then his girlfriend dumped him. The crush was totally devastated and just ignored my friend completely with her messages requesting “coffee meets” , she was devastated. I told her well what do you expect , he had a girlfriend ffs! She got well off with me 😂

I think I’d detach from her.

It’s the drama/attention seeking aspect of it that would be troublesome?

The fact that she’s telling you about it makes you “audience” and she’s addicted to the stories she telling.

I’ve known women and men who always seem to be in some “ohmigod I got told X by Y that officially proves I’m SO HOT” situation (often of their own construction - it’s like “I went to a nightclub and someone told me X and I REJECTED him, how desirable am I?”

I used to have a colleague like this, full of anecdotes and stories to “prove” how desirable she was, which she’d share unprompted. I saw her out with a group of her (allegedly) cool friends and as you can guess, they were nothing like she’d made them out to be.

After the teenage years this kind of crazy oneupsmanship is just a bit odd. Normal people want to quietly concentrate on dating or their life outside of dating or working on relationships.

I think it’s easy to think “oh, what’s the harm in her having fantasies I don’t want to be judgemental?”

The trouble with fantasists is they tend to drag others into their drama - and because your friendship is based on you not being honest about how weird you think her behaviour is, you can’t ever call her out on it when it starts affecting you?

OP have your friend watch Fatal Attraction.