In September last year I unexpectedly fell pregnant. I dreaded telling DH (he had always been adamant that 3 DCs were more than enough), but he was positive about it, saying that it would "at last bring some joy in this family".
I lost the baby in January, at 18 weeks. At the time, DH said a few horrible things that I try to forget (such as "how long do you think it is going to take for you to move on to something else?")
A couple of weeks later I told DH that I wanted to try for another baby, because I did not want our family story to end with a tiny coffin.
When we started having sex again, he did not use condoms a single time, so I though we were letting nature take its course and he wanted another child too. I got pregnant in late March.
In May, DH called me at work. He was incensed because he had been through my Amazon buying history and discovered I had bought pregnancy tests in February. He told me he never wanted another child, that I had tricked him.
He has not spoken to me since.
He refused to come to the scans.
I am not allowed to tell anyone, even my family, about the pregnancy.
I have been thinking a lot and I have recently realised that I cannot remember the last time he said something nice to me, smiled at me, or kissed me or even touched me except when he wanted sex.
I admit I should have talked to him more about having a fourth child, but can he really absolve himself from all responsibility in this pregnancy when he had sex without any form of birth control for several months?