Posting for advice, even a reality check on myself as It could be me that’s at fault and I’m blinkered, my thoughts are right and next steps
It’s quite long so I will try to keep in order and give back story though it will be vague in case it owes me. Can see him using it in a negative way against me.
Met ex 14 years ago, two children, one SN and one he refused to see after his birth when I stated I wouldn’t try again.
I have two other older children who I had at 16,18. It’s important to put it in as he uses it. I went to uni and bsc and masters, then PhD when SN was 8month old as it fit around her needs and that of my children.
I left him initially due to constant belittling, aggression, upredicatability, causing arguments then calling police and screaming and shouting down the phone ‘get off, ‘my name’ so I was identified on calls, your pulling her head, please someone help my partner is going crazy and trying to pull New babybout my arms, she is pulling her head, help I can’t protect us, she is gonna hurt baby, stop scratching and punching my head’ I can quite clearly be heard crying and saying ‘I’m no where near you what are you talking about? Getting hysterical as I’m 4 week after c-section of a prem baby, infected uterus and never heard of anyone doing this. At this point I’m other side of bedroom and he the other side and I’m holding the baby not him. It started because I had said it wasn’t working and calmly as adults should split up. Wouldn’t stop him seeing kids etc. He came and kneeled with all his weight into my c-section scar, whilst I was breastfeeding baby, until I was crying in pain. Whilst he is shouting you can go but the baby stays with me and I will make sure you don’t get the baby and then I heard him saying police please.. I went upstairs as I thought something was up with kids. That’s when he lied anout situation. Police came and I’m crying because situation is crazy, I’m in agony and can’t get my head around it. He is calmly tells them he is SW and I’m not safe to be in the house as I’ve gone crazy because he ended it due to realising not working. Tells police he has tried etc because liked me and felt sorry that I needed a good man after been treated badly in past and thought he could help me but I’m too crazy to be with. That I got myself pregnant at 16,18 to a man in40’, single parent for last ten hrs, told I didn’t work, lived on council house and then said ‘in my job it’s a known that a younger woman with kids, no job, council house etc say a professional man, own house and got myself pregnant to trap him and maybe take house later. I was raped and abused and only had relations with older men who look for young single mums who’ve we’re abused to prey on their kids. So he was fearful of allowing me to leave with baby as ‘in their jobs/ police and se they know what kind of person and life kids will have’ all this in front of me whilst im trying to contradict and I get labelled aggressive, told to get my older kids out of bed and dressed at 1.30am, to leave 5-6 week premature baby there, even though I was feeding myself and me and my kids are removed by police from house. Not a mark on him as police asked. By the time they return for a statement and my friend turns up he has discoverdca ripped top and scratches. It goes downhill from there. He has assaualted me, thrown me out of house whilst pregnant, slammed my arms in car door, punched me in side, kicked me across the room whilst pregnant. When I’ve complained to policehemakes a counter allegation and always tries to call first makingvhim victim. My witnesses were told they weren’t credible can because they were stepkids and they stated he told them how he tried to be a good stepdad but kids were horrible, cheeky violent rude and he had not wanted kids like that in his life so had asked me to leave. Told them I was 16 and kids run wild as I was typical teenage mum who he tried to help but just couldn’t anymore. Then discussed my past as away to validate him. Said we were all bitter against him and trying to stop contact but he was worried that an abused person can abuse as it’s ok.
So my kids were told they weren’t credible witnesses to back up what happened.
I finally left afternoon two years and storing house stuff at a friends so I could move when I had it as it would have to be secretive.
I walked in from uni one night to find him dragging my oldest up the stairs by clothes wrapped around his neck, girl was screaming he was gonna kill him. I was livid but just wanted kids out of there. So grabbed them all and left and never went back.
Reported it to police and was told they would call back. They called to say he had reported that after he had kicked me and violent kids on the street I said I’m gonna tell them you hit my kidetc because I was so upset at splitting up and wanted revenge and as a SW that’s how to do it. Then when to describe how awful etc I was. So police said as it’s his word against ours they were taking it no further due to false allegations been made against father’s when couple split to keep dad’s from kids. It follows that same thread using his position and knowledge to make over 256 false allegations to social services all over West Yorkshire as one told him if it continued they would report him to his boss, investigate and prosecute for using sac to control my life and Harris me. Due to wording he used and insider knowledge to what’ss instantly aacted inbred me and my kids have been investigated fully every time. I’ve got copies of all under gdpr ruling. As ss won’t believe when I say it’s him and how many ther has been etc. He has reported everybchildminder I’ve had to ofsted under safeguarding so they are investigate to tax credits pretending to live near and state they are claiming funny so they investigate CM and other parents. Under new rules I’ve received some info that contains copies of letters he has wrote to my work saying I’m a safeguarding risk, to ss to say my ex was a peadophile as he was 5 year older and then stated how I’m the perfect target, single parent, renting, Different dads for kids, I was an abuse victim etc in school when I got pregnant etc. In notes it has a copy that when to his medical practice, a copy that his ex wife received and notes from an investigation they did on him, his wife’s responses and from individual interviews with each of his kids as they believed it.
I’m constanyly getting messages about how I’m a shit parent and can’t wait for rope to hang myself with and kids will choose his. He also tells them this. All the time nobody believes he is doing it to have control over us. Ss allegations are anon and anyone can make them if they are worried. But under gdpr ruling it states who called or emailed it in.
In this pack are copies of letters to kids gp stating they had better inform him the father of all gp visits and the outcome as he has a right and if they don’t they will get reported to gmc. Instead we were deregisterrd. He has written emails and letters to school stating he is a loving father who wants his kids but mother is moving them away and trying to stop all contact and then told them they same thing as he did other people to twist view of me. He didn’t turn up to ehcp for child. I was asked to call if he was on his wat by head. He stated he was but car had flat tyre and prob wouldn’t get there in time. I passed this on and then 10 mins into meeting head received an email stating he was sorry and as he had informed me day before he was unwell and unable to make it. He didn’t want them to think he didn’t care after the way I had called during meeting time when he had already informed on. Stated he wanted to ensure everyone knew the reason and not to fall for my tricks in trying to pretend I didn’t have a clue. The head just looked and said what is going on. Why is it different and I thought he didn’t call and am I going mad.
Well he has found out I’m getting married and convinced sn who struggles with change to state she never wants to live with me again and wants to be with him. I have a court order in place with days written in. He is stating she threatened suicide but seems to have no issue when I’m on phone to her. Stated child says she will never come home or will kill herself. I want her safe so said she could stay whilst assessed mental health and I get support inplsve at my house. He is now stating she never wants to come home or will harm herself as she hates me. But then day after days oh why don’t you have her next weekend. The day I was going to elope.
Sends me messages stating ‘I always told you kid would see you for terrible parent you, what a disgrace you are, women like you shouldn’t be allowed kids to decent men. Stay with older me. As it shows you prob liked abuse that’s why you choose older men to carry it on. Kids not safe with you at all.
I have a 22 and 24 yr old who are really good etc and s younger kid to him who he never asks about since taking her, hadn’t seen or called and neither have his family. They told child now you are with real family here to which she asked my older kids why they didn’t go away as not her real brother and sister and to go find their dad. They see him but it’s between them not little kids.
Feel like I’m trapped... is it his same old stuff? I don’t want to use police and enforce court order if suicidal, said I would wait for Camhs assessment which is in 2 weeks but he was trying to send her to me this weekend and next staying it will be like before but she lives with me. He has never been to a hospital appointment, has complex needs and wouldn’t accept it until a year ago. In past reported mr to police stating I’m forcing doctor to give me meds for child and try OMG to kill her and make her take them he reported to ss I had munchausen and child in danger. I’m worried he is going to neglect it all but state he isn’t and use her suicidal sayings as a reason to stop police enforcing court order and state I’m putting her at harm and state more allegations to ss.