My relationship is on a knife edge

[CazWebber]

Hi all.
I'm hoping I can get some advice on my current situation as it's hard for me as an insider to call it with any great certainty.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now but everything seems to have changed.

Just to give an idea of what the relationship has endured:

• We went for an apartment last year and half way through the process, my bf left me (came back 1 week later)

• A few months ago I found out I was pregnant. He left again and came back.

• I lost the baby and he left.

At the start of the relationship, we messaged all the time, he always wanted to be near me, went out all the time and just genuinely had fun. He was always smiley at work (we work together).

Since everything that happened, this has changed. Now he wants days off, hardly messages anymore. I never get compliments from him and he doesn't do ANYTHING for me either e.g. flowers, gestures, organises days out.

If I send him pics of me done up looking nice, he ignores them. He's miserable at work.

I am suffering very bad anxiety about the relationship, including trust. He's never cheated but I know before me he sent messages to mates about loads of girls......and not nice messages. ....messages that are vulgar and make him look sex mad.

I idolise him and love the bones of him, but struggling. Is it all that's happened? Is it me?

I really need some outsider advice.

Thanks guys ❤❤

I idolise him

That's your mistake. He's not a god... stop idolising him.

He treats you badly and leaves you at important times.

You are clearly more invested in this relationship than him.

He who cares the least in a relationship has the most power

I would personally dump him ... You deserve better than this.

Perhaps seek counselling to explore why you stay with a man like this.

I think this relationship is all but dead. Do yourself a favour and stake it in its coffin.

Why on earth do you idolise this man? Look at what you've said - he's hardly someone to worship!

Basically your relationship has ended and you are trying to continue with it and he's giving you HUGE hints that it's over.

Do yourself a favour: grab some self-respect and dump him. You'll feel miles better for it.

He left you when you were pregnant, he left you when you lost the baby.

Leave him, because you shouldn’t live like this.

He's a complete flake. How has he got you so yuk have such low self-worth?

Forget him, get rid and start putting yourself first because you are so much better than that.

Oh and thread title - that exactly how he wants you, teetering on that edge.

Leave.

He's a commitment phobe who wimps out whenever things aren't completely plain sailing. No guts in that guy. Definitely not husband, long term partner or father material. Life is tough and he should have your back not be running away.

Get rid and find yourself someone worthy.

You say "what the relationship has endured" - you actually mean what you have put up with. It's not a positive or sign of strength in the relationship that you've stuck it out through such rotten treatment. It just means you haven't known when to quit.

It's a crap relationship. It doesn't do you any good, in fact it actively harms your self worth. It's not supposed to be this hard. Love isn't supposed to hurt and drag you down.

I'm sorry, but this isn't what a normal relationship looks like. These aren't "regular relationship troubles".

You probably feel that you love him and idolise him because he love bombed you at the start of the relationship.monce he got his hooks into you he revealed his true colours.

He repeatedly left you at times of major distress, and then returned when he felt like it. So he caused you deep pain and then came back to be the one to comfort you from the pain he'd caused. This is what's known as trauma bonding in action - leading to you now seemingly feeling like you can't live without him.

You very much can. Without him deliberately hurting you, you won't need him there to comfort you from the hurt he caused.

It's not you. It's his behaviour. He is cruel and controlling. No wonder you feel anxious. It's a reaction to the way he's treated you.

Why do you idolise him? Other than because of how he behaved at the beginning? That's a very extreme way to talk about somebody who's treated you so badly.

He won't change. It won't get better. If you re-read the behaviour you describe in your OP does that sound like somebody you would want a friend to be in a relationship with? Would you want that life for anybody else?

This is not normal, and it's not how normal, non-abusive people treat each other. If you're struggling to understand what we're saying on that point you would probably benefit from looking at the freedomprogramme.co.uk. It will teach you the difference between a healthy relationship and an abusive one.

Then you can go and find yourself a happy, fulfilling future. Far away from this man.

He left you when you were pregnant and when you miscarried. Two major highs and lows of life events and little lord Fauntleroy there couldn't hack it. And that's in just two years. So SO much will happen over a life time together, you need to know your wingman is in it for the long haul. This one cannot be depended upon at all. He does not idolise you or love the bones of you - his behaviour screams that never mind what he verbalises. Frankly, he's a wankbadger and you need someone decent.

are you ok OP?

He doesn't sound remotely worthy of you. Get rid.

Nope. Distract yourself with a hobby; the infatuation will fade. You like him but he doesn’t like you back. It happens.

You know the answer to this.

I think when it’s finally officially over you’d do well to do some real self examination over why on earth you’d allow another human being to treat you this shit and go back for more.

He’s not that into you. You deserve better

He's left you THREE times in 2 years. Things haven't changed - he's been a twat from day one. And almost certainly has cheated.

Please do yourself a favour and move on!

PatriciaHolm - Why do you say he has cheated?

Thanks for the replies guys. I think I know deep that what you're all saying is right but I supposed it's hard to admit it to yourself :/