Hello all. My wife and I are having problems at the moment and I'm just looking for some honest advice. We've been together for ten years, married 18 months and have 2 wonderful kids, a boy of 5 and girl of 3. We always had a great relationship, always got on really well but since our kids were born we have less and less time for each other to the point where we rarely do anything together as a couple. I'm sure that's a familiar story for many, but the difference here is in the way I've treated my wife over the last few years. I've simply been downright neglectful - I rarely engage in conversation with her, rarely pay her any compliments despite the facts that she looks fantastic, I am constantly on my phone/laptop/console with the result that it takes her 3 or 4 tries to even get my attention. Despite her losing 6 stone and looking better than she ever has we also don't have sex very frequently (once a week in a good month). Beyond what I do for the kids I don't do any housework. I have essentially just ground all the joy out of our relationship.
Anyway, things came to a head last week, she had been very distant for a few weeks and I had a sudden epiphany, realising that her feelings towards me had fundamentally changed. We had a long chat where she confirmed this. I later found out that she had been unfaithful (as I have on one occasion 4 years ago), in that she had a brief dalliance with someone she knew from school, met him twice but it fizzled out without having sex. Rather than making me angry this just made me feel ashamed that I'd driven her to act in a way which is so out of character.
All of this has just woken me up to how much I love her, how amazing she is and the extent to which I've taken her for granted. The thought that she might actually want to leave me has really hit me hard and I am absolutely determined to do everything I can to show her that I can be the man she deserves. She says she just doesn't feel that spark anymore but I know in my heart that we can get that back. The trouble is that the small, everyday changes which make a big difference take time to have an effect and I'm just not sure she's willing to give me that time. I'm quite good at making big romantic gestures but fear that anything like that will just be seen as unsustainable and perhaps a bit insincere. I also don't want to smother her and drive her further away - desperation is not attractive after all. She just feels that she is only a mother, only a "insert job title" and is only really happy when she is with her friends and can relax and be herself.
All thoughts welcome. I know it seems like there's not much of a relationship to save but it's hard to sum up ten years in a few paragraphs. I know I don't deserve to, but I just want the chance to show my beautiful, funny, bubbly, amazing wife that she doesn't need to leave me to find happiness and love.