New partner started throwing weird tantrums.

[rosabug]

I have been living with my new partner for about 6 months. We met not long after the end of my 20 year relationship. It's great in many ways, we enjoy the same things and laugh lots. He comes with some issues (don't we all) but we begun with a promise to always communicate and to keep what we thought as a wonderful second chance (we are both in our fifties) healthy. But I have discovered he has a hugely unreasonable side. Going off the deep end very quickly indeed and descending into a sort of 'pity me, I've had a terrible day, you're really stressing me out, I feel sick" whining rant. It's awful - like some angry wailing teenager. He will not be reasonable when like this and everything becomes my fault. I am actually a very reasonable and communicative person, so I find this behaviour really shocking.
Anyone else experienced this?

Time to move out and plan your overall exit from this relationship now; if this is what living with him is like now then imagine what he will be like in a year's time when you are further emotionally cowered by him.

When someone tells you who they are you would do well to listen. Abuse is not about communication or a lack thereof, its about power and control.

There is no reasoning with someone like this man, this is who he is. Such men as well do not change, he feels entitled to act like this and feels he is doing nothing wrong here. His previous relationship likely broke down because of this behaviour as well. This "everything becomes your fault" from him is a huge red flag as well.

No. What does he say about it, after? Any explanations? Sounds exhausting...

Step away now, quickly. This is totally unreasonable. He is not the man for you.
If you moved into his place, - move out
if he moved into yours - tell him to leave
if a new joint place - get back to the estate agents and find somewhere new

I tend to walk with things like this. Any adult who tantrums will be blinkered to others needs. It will become increasingly your fault.

Move on

Walk away. Sounds like.it was a rebound relationship anyway. No reason to stick.around with that going on.

Another one telling you to run for the hills. Please don’t put up with this just because you’re grateful to have a “second chance”. There will be other men, other chances.

He's "throwing tantrums" to see how far he can push you. If you put up with them he'll gradually escalate. Make sure he realises that he can't do it at all

Hmmm. Sorry OP this doesn't sound good...in fact it sounds like he's relaxing into his 'real' behaviour and it's not a pretty sight. Has he told you anything about why his previous relationship ended? Did his ex put up with this from him?

He's laying the groundwork to see what he can get away with. Once he's found your boundary then he will push it and push it. This is not a good man. throw him back and try again!

Why are you living with him? Bit soon? Could he move out and see how it goes?

You have to ask?

The great thing about being older is that you don't have to put up with any crap. Is he living in your house?

HE'S SHOWING YOU WHO HE IS.

LISTEN

get rid of him

I was seeing someone recently for just a few months. All was going well or so I thought. He seemed like a lovely, loyal guy.

We spent a longer amount of time together and he chucked a total tantrum over something minor he couldn't work out and it was all my fault. So unattractive! It ended shortly after that. Even my kids have grown out of temper tantrums (in the main).

Its totally exhausting and you don't have to put up with that crap. Don't think of the sunken costs of the relationship, think of the future.

Thanks for the responses. I am planning my escape. Although he isn't a monster and I don't believe this is a conscience power grab, I can see it can only get worse. I have all the power (financially) and I can see it can never work because of this. In my bones I know I can't trust him.

I hope he works and pays towards the mortgage/bills. You could see him but not live with him.

I would get out. This was the first sign from my ex before it progressed into more obvious emotional abuse.

As someone uotgread said, being older means we don’t have to put up with this shit. What he’s doing isn’t right, might seem ok at first if it happens now and again but soon enough you’ll be walking on egg shells around him, doing what he wants as you don’t want to upset him - leave now

Being able to trust someone is fundamental to a good relationship, rosabug, as you say. To not be able to trust your DP at this point is such a red flag that ending things is the only sensible reaction.

Sorry you're going through this.

You’ve only been living together for 6 months! Planning your escape? Tell him it’s over and to sling his hook!! Job done

How long had you known him before he moved in? I bet it wasn't long. You didn't know him. This is the real him though

There genuinely is a good reason why some people are single.

I would cut your losses asap OP. This is a relatively new relationship and ugly stuff only gets worse with time. If he's like this now, imagine what he'll be like in five or ten years ...

Glad you've recognised this can't work.
Blimey, imagine another 10-20 years of this!?
Hell NO!
Make your exit plan and get out of there.
Life is way too short.
Is it his house?

It's conscious alright, he's seeing how much you let him get away with/how much you accept.
I'm sure abusive men have some kind of secret abuse school they all attend because they certainly seem to all follow the same book.