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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My respect for my husband is fading. Help!

2 replies

Helene24 · 19/06/2018 11:40

Hello everyone, this is my first thread as I really need to talk to someone. My husband is becoming a nightmare, he is moody and grumpy most of the time (e.i on father's day he woke up grumpy and there was absolutely no reason for him to behave like this he walked passed me carrying our new born and doing an activity with our 6y daughter and said nothing not even good morning) we spent the day in silent I took my daughter to the park with a friend and then to dinner. I was extremely sad. He woke up in the morning and he started talking like nothing happend, when I asked him why he was moody yesterday he said he had a back pain (he always blames it on an illness that he doesn't have). With our new born I am the only one mainly responsible for him 24 hours except when he will offer to look after him a couple of hours during the day so I can have a nap! He knows very well that I am a fussy sleeper and I can't sleep during the day because of the light and noises and he wouldn't look after him at night at all because he wants to sleep and he will not sacrifice his sleep, he sleeps in a diffrent room and will never offer to help at night or take over, I asked him once to help with a couple of hours at night and he absolutely refused and when I ask him sometime to look after him whilst I have a shower or to get ready he will never be happy to do so and will start mumbling which create a huge tension either I cry in silent and avoid problems or scream my head off and turn it to an argument. The reason why I said I am afraid I am looking my respect towards him is he pretend to be another person in front the others like when he is on the phone with friends or collegue he will say oh we are sleep deprived and that he sleeps only 2 hours! I was shocked when I heard him saying that! Especially he would sleep all night and then have a couple of naps during the day as he works from home. To be fair he sends our daughter to school in the morning and go and collect her and take her to her activities. But it is really frustrating that he will not help with the nights I am exausted and stressed and baby is difficult he would wake up every 30 min for feed or because of colic so impossible to sleep with him :(
I don't know what to do or where to go I need support but my husband is selfish he cares only about his comfort and convenience because he wouldn't do anything of it is out of his comfort zone unless if they are strangers or pretend friends involved so he can show how grrat he is 😭

OP posts:
Footballmumofthefuture · 19/06/2018 12:57

He's a twat!
Leave him with the kids all weekend or failing that tell him he either shapes up or ships out!

Mamawingingit1234 · 19/06/2018 13:19

Urggg! He sounds like a gem.

You need to have a proper chat about this. New borns are hard work never mind with colic and sleep deprivation can really reek havoc so if DH can help (ie not breastfeeding) then he should.

I’ve had similar “chats” with my DH as I felt he wasn’t pulling his weight with our newborn and toddler (he is also a mad fan of the joint grievances- oh baby is up loads during the night, DC1 is acting up when it’s me dealing with it all or being really proactive changing nappies, coffees, tidying when people are around to witness which got my goat up but now I take full advantage of) however after a few honest calm chats he’s been really good, I still do the majority but I’m a SAHM so that’s fine. But he’ll go to the toddler during the night as I’ll be feeding the baby and he’s taken over bedtime routines too.

Have a chat, maybe think about that you want to say first and what you would like help with. As I was be furious if I told my DH how much I needed his help and he refused. That’s selfishness that’s almost unforgivable and not what a marriage should be based on

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