What shall I do?? :(

[Ljc2017]

Hi everyone

Feeling so rubbish and totally overwhelmed.

The short version of this mess is....
Husband and I have been married for 3 years, together for 8. We have beautiful 6 month old twin boys.
He had always had a anger issue and would lose his s*it at the smallest thing with me and release a tornado of awful words at me.
It would always get turned around on me then within a day I got the sorry etc. Things would be great until another 10 ish month and he would lose it over something else totally minimal.

He has had a strange relationship with his parents. It’s very strained and they bicker and argue all the time. Where as my family have always been the total opposite. He turns it into ‘But everyone argues’ it’s like it’s the normal for him.

We lost a baby before we were blessed with our twins and I don’t think he ever really got over it. He was so strong for me but I feel he buried his feelings.

This weekend has been a total nightmare and I’m so detached from
The whole situation I feel like I’ve hot my babies we can do it with or without him.
He has pretty much been off in a sulk (32 years old!!!) since Saturday over some stupid argument. First one in at least a year.
Basically telling me he doesn’t give a shit. I know things are said in the heat of the moment but it’s stick so hard and differently now I’ve got my boys to look after and protect.
I feel like everything has changed I can’t just sweep it under the carpet.

Topped all off by going out to watch the football at 5 and ‘promising to be home by 10:30’ to talk and sort things out. I did try the option of so what you want to do when he asked if I minded him
Going out. Hoping he would sense the don’t you dare go out tone.

Anyway I wake up at 2:45 empty bed. Call his phone, straight to answer phone. Totally panicked I started to get upset and worried thinking something had happened. As of course he promised he would be home.

Strolls in at 3, full of mouth saying So what if I’m
Homemat this time.

I am so sorry for anyone who has read this far down!! Rant over!!
Should I just do my self a favour and get out?

Also financially we have a mortgage together and don’t want to move from our home. Anyone good with up to date info regarding where I stand!?

Do you wnat to leave the relationship? If so, you need to consider getting a job and organising childcare for the babies.

Op only you know what you are truly feeling about the situation and if you feel like this is the end of the road then start getting legal advise. If you want to give it another go then counselling may help both of you heal and learn from each other. Especially if you feel he has buried his feelings due to bereavement.

I agree with RollaWolla that if you want to make it work then counselling is the way forward. But if he refuses you need to think of your babies. It’s not fair on them to be around that behaviour. What’s to stop him releasing a tornado of awful words at them when they’re older. Or even for them to grow up and think that is normal behaviour.

Staying out until 3am when he promised to be home at 10:30 and being confrontational about it shows such little respect.

I think you both need to do some serious talking, cards on the table time! What's his real problem, and do you both actually at heart want to carry on? Maybe go to Relate for some independent mediation.

Sounds like he's not coping to be honest. And it doesn't sound like he's emotionally equipped to process his issues without counselling. I think it's understandable that you'd have to consider your options if he refuses to get help (either individually or as a couple) - no mum should feel ashamed about wanting to remove their children from explosive anger.

But, but... "I did try the option of so what you want to do when he asked if I minded him
Going out. Hoping he would sense the don’t you dare go out tone. " ...this just never helps. It's dishonest. (Although that only excuses him being out until 22:30, not 3am!)