Ok, this might end up quite long so i will try and bullet point.
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Me and h split up about 3 years ago. He wanted to stay in the family home so I left to live near my mum with the kids. I took nothing with me and started a new home with second hand bits and pieces. I was just glad to be free of walking on eggshells.
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started renting property and started work again after 7 years of being a sahm. I earn about £12,000 a year as I've had to start all over again.
h earns approx £80,000 a year plus bonuses and pensions etc.
*The mortgage and deeds to the family home were never in my name. I guess I felt it wasn't my right to stay in it even though married as I'd been a sahm. That property is now worth around 450K.
*h had a property (also only in his name which bought years ago before we met) which he was renting out. He decided to sell up a few months ago and said I could have the assets. I think he said around £160 K but I can't be certain. The house sold for 165K and is about to exchange.
Nothing in writing but verbal agreement kind of thing. I've never asked him for money, not even maintenance but he does pay around £550 a month.
*I started to look at properties and saw one that would be in the budget with a small mortgage on my side (just approved).
I have instructed solicitors and estate agent.
He's now said I can have 125 K a drop of £20,000 but enough for me to have to pull out.
I'm devastated and embarrassed I took his word for it and had nothing set in stone. I'm going to have to write all around tonight to cancel all the transactions and my mortgage.
I know I should get more if I were to divorce but I can't bring myself to. I've not had any kind of relationship or been with anyone else throughout or after I left so I didn't go through divorce to keep finances together.
I can't stop thinking I'd be a money grabber or that his money is his, on the other hand, I gave up work for 7 years, had to retrain and did everything for him when I was there putting up with constant put downs and him being a bit controlling really.
I don't know if he still has a hold on me. He used to drive crazy a lot of the time. Not talking to me or making me think things had happened when they didn't. He often still ignores me as if I'm not worth speaking to. (and this is usually regarding the children now).
How can I get rid of this feeling that we (i and kids) don't deserve anything better or are worthy of divorcing him? iyswim?