Is this reasonable to ask?

[LoveAtFirstSight]

Met a guy recently through work, met him once for drinks, had a kiss, but he lives three hours away so haven't seen him since then, but been in touch every day.

In 2 weeks hes going to come up to see me for the weekend. It makes sense that he stays at mine, i want to see him as much as i can for the time he's here.

Would it be weird of me to say no sex yet...? Tbh i would probably cave after the first night.... But would quite like to just spend time together, and get to know eachother a bit more.

Or is a given that hes going to be expecting sex? Would you think if it was mixed signals if you were invited to stay for 2 nights, but then told no sex?

Just see how it goes but tell him and make it clear that is what you are doing and it's not a guarantee. I think if you're not at a stage where you feel comfortable saying that then it's not a good idea to be having sex anyway.
FWIW, due to the long distance nature of our relationship I stayed at H's house for the weekend when we'd only seen each other a few times but I knew already it was something special. No sex first night but plenty there after! 13 years and 2 children later we are still going strong, so go with your instinct but make it clear to him that's what's happening. I'm all about the communication.

Ive not said anything yet because i dont think its the best convo to have over the phone or on message, but ill speak to him about it on friday when i see him.

Ill have had a long day at work so plan is some wine and a movie om friday night, we can chat about it then.

I think its a bit much to talk about rape in this situation, and pretty disrespectful to people who have actually gone through that horrendous experience...

I think its a bit much to talk about rape in this situation, and pretty disrespectful to people who have actually gone through that horrendous experience...

Spot on. What in the actual fuck was going on in that poster’s head to think that was an appropriate thing to say.

Weve spoken a bit about it, not in so many words, but hes told me hes coming to see me and spend time with me, hes happy to do whatever I want to do. So i just need to wait and see how i feel once i see him...😁

In this case I would suggest checking into a cheap hotel.

I think you need to tell him he’s in the spare are room and then change the goalposts if you chose later on. I think it’s insane to get in bed with a man unless it is your intention to have sex with him.

I see Ford's point

All she is saying is that most men will come as as "nice" or whatever, until they are not.

Come across

Theres a big event in my city that weekend, so even the shitty cheap hotels are about £200 a night. He'll be staying at mine.

He is most likely not going to be sleeping in the spare room, but the option is there.

Surely there are more risks attached to a one night stand, when women bring someone back just for sex? Yes im still getting to know this guy, but hes nice, we get on very well, theres a lot of chemistry, and i know from working in the same company that he is well respected and liked.

I think thats enough to trust that he's not going to rape me, and is worth taking the 'risk' to get to know him better.

Normal dating was never going to be much of am option due to distance.

All she is saying is that most men will come as as "nice" or whatever, until they are not

Most men? Really? most men
Generalising much anyfucker?

I'd tell him you've got the spare room ready just so that he's clear. You can then both see how it goes without any pressure. Only have sex with him if that's what you both want.

I think AF meant most of the rapists came across nice, but weren't. Not men in general.

The majority of men are nice or boring and stay that way.

Have the spare bed made OP and then it's always an option if you or he wants to take it.

You might take it because he snores or drinks too much wine instead of the obvious.

@SeaCabbage Why not be keen to have sex if she's got a strong attraction?

Go with what's right for you both OP. Hope you have a great weekend.

Rapists will rape you whether you say no or not, whether you think they'll be ok with that or not, your thoughts and feelings don't come into it. It's kind of the point and to make the comment that many rape survivors will have thought similarly to the OP makes it sound as if somehow a level of naiveté plays a part. Nothing I did or thought played any part. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's it. Sorry to go here OP but... If this guy is a rapist (highly unlikely), he'll do it whether she insists he sleeps in the spare room, a hotel or whatever. Her feeling she has a right to say no and he will respect should be the default setting and not something to make flippant comments about regarding rape survivors. Most men are good and decent human beings and as a survivor of rape, the day I stop believing that is the day he wins.