Am I overreacting?

[EmmaJ789]

I was using the pc without realising I was on hubby’s log on. I came across erotic stories he’d been reading. This didn’t bother me I know he’s looked at them before and although I’ve tried to keep our sex life going I am 35 weeks pregnant now and slowing down so we were having sex once a week until last week. I was interested to see what he’d been reading so I looked at his browser history and then came across last month he had viewed 2 teen porn videos. I’m really struggling with this mostly because it’s the ‘teen’ thing. I know the girls are usually consenting age but he actively wanted to look at teenage girls in my opinion. We will have 2 daughters and it bothers me that he’s looking at girls made to look like teens. I also being pregnant am not feeling overly confident about the weight I’ve gained and for him to be looking at skinny young girls makes me feel I’m not enough. Nor will I be because no one’s getting any younger. When I asked him about it he lied and said it was a pop up from the erotic stories but this wasn’t true. Later on he said he was looking for some tamer porn and went on a website which came up with a lot of more ‘offensive, graphic porn’ like anal which he’s disgusted by so he scrolled to the nearest thing that might have been tamer which he thought would be teen. He says he’s never looked before but I’m struggling to trust him and I find I odd that the first thing he went to is teen which on this website was in alphabetical order and near the bottom. Surely there were other more gentle categories?! I don’t know what to do or how to feel or if I will want to be confidently intimate with his again. But we have a toddler and a baby on the way and I don’t know what to do or if I’m overreacting! He’s the most brilliant husband in every sense so this has really thrown me and made me wonder if I know him at all.

Thanks everyone, and leftparing, the whole reason I asked is because I’m not trying to control him and I’m just checking in with other people to see if I am being irrational. I know I might be hormonal so I didn’t want that to cloud my judgement which is why I put the post up to be honest. Thanks for sharing your opinions though, I’m actually really open minded and have watched porn myself. It’s the teen thing and the lying about it that got me because I would want and have encouraged us to share fantasies

Okay, I personally think all filmed porn is a no-no, because there are ample testimonies out there from women who have left the industry which show that a lot of what goes on is not consensual - and as the end consumer, you cannot tell whether the video you're watching was made by consenting adults or made under coercion. So you could well be watching filmed evidence of someone actually being raped. If you can still get your rocks off in the knowledge that this might well be what you're watching, you're a bit of an arsehole, IMO.

(Written erotica for the most part I have no problem with - though if a partner was heavily into torture/rape fantasies, I would seriously be questioning whether they were the person for me - especially a man, as they couldn't argue, as many women do, that it was all about fantasising about being overwhelmed and a guilt-free fuck, because as a man they'd be fantasising about being the one doing the raping.)

Second - barely legal/teen stuff. That would be well into LTB territory for me - in fact, given that you have daughters, it would be into "your stuff in binbags out in the back yard, change the fucking locks and I don't fucking care if that's illegal" territory. That's just fucking sick behaviour.

Yup, you can't police what people fantasise about when they orgasm. You can however decide whom you choose to be in a relationship with.

Nicely put @FermatsTheorem
Common sense finally!

It’s the teen thing and the lying about it that got me because I would want and have encouraged us to share fantasies

So some fantasies are fine to share but others aren’t (teen)? There’s obviously a reason he didn’t feel he could tell the truth.

@FermatsTheorem I think I love you

better than those porn videos "mum gives son his first..." and its usually an 18 years old man with a 38 years old woman.
I think porn videos are under random titles that people who upload them choose for clicks. Chances are he likes something they were doing or the click bait showed something interesting rather than the fact that they are teen. Lots of teen are overweight with less than perky breasts. I doubt its the teen thing than the actual activity or the body shape itself.

better than those porn videos "mum gives son his first..." and its usually an 18 years old man with a 38 years old woman.
Why is a video with a teen girl better than one with a teen boy? Seems like double standards

I just feel leaving him is extreme. I don’t want him to look at it and lie but I equally don’t want to be on my own with 2 under 2s

As far as I can go back and see it’s been twice in the last year, is that a problem I just don’t know

Fermats...:

You have a fanclub.

I love you too!!!

Incest is worse than a legal teen. yes.

I watch teen porn OP but not because of the age - because I prefer smaller boobs and every other category in porn is full of massive fake ones!

Are there any men who actually wouldn't be turned on by a hot 18 year old because she is a teen? (and age of consent in the uk is 16, believe 14 in italy!).

Op you can leave him or argue. Unless he is looking at children, I think you'd struggle to find a man who watches porn but wouldn't watch if the women look 16 to 19. Probably best bet to try and find a man who doesn't watch porn......

yeah like pp he probably likes small breasts and skinny. the titles of porn videos are misleading for clicks. Like I said they could be unrelated and they title would make them to be a son and mum which is very disturbing or "wife cheating on her husband" ??? when in reality its nothing to do with whats actually happening. as i said i reckon its the body type or the click bait shot (shooting in her face or something) rather than the fact that it's a teen..so i wouldnt worry about the age thing.

It amuses me how many think these girls are surely 18.

Even so, 18 is still a baby in my eyes. They have no idea what industry they are working their way into.

you wouldnt think so if you saw some of the videos. the things they get up to... vomit. mentally yeah a kid but physically at 18... nope.

You mean taught to do and sometimes forced!

Regular prom watcher here (I’m female).

The teen thing is a non-worry for me on this one. I’ve tapped on loads of teen titles without realising. If you search for something you want, ie, a position, every video that features that will show up, but the uploader of that video could have named it teen in doggy style, for example. It doesn’t mean he gets his rocks off to teen girls, just the position.

Tut. Not prom. Porn 🙄

Op, you aren’t happy with this. He lied about it and hid it and made you feel uncomfortable.

You are open minded but you have your boundaries and your husband should be respectful of those, especially given that you are heavily pregnant.

Please ignore those making reference to you being insecure as they are passive aggressive comments to make you feel like you are the issue. You aren’t.

He watched stuff that is icky - teen porn when you’re having and have girls. He hid it from you and lied about it. The Industry is awash with young people (and older too) who are coerced and forced into doing this. It’s not a nice industry.

He needs to sort himself out, and I don’t mean wanking. I mean, he needs to lead by example and behave like a man he would be happy for his daughters to date when they are older. I doubt he would be happy for a future husband or partner to be wanking over videos of young girls.

Pretty disgusting when you think about it.

Stand your ground op

OP I agree with you on this. It's the lies and the fact you have daughters. Those girls in the videos are also someone's daughters you happened upon this by chance, so who knows what else he's been watching in the past or future, so easily hidden on a phone or tablet etc.

Id really consider your options.

Wouldn't worry me at all. I don't believe there is even the slightest risk to your daughters. There's no reason to even believe that he searched for teen porn, it's more likely he clicked on a thumbnail that looked fairly vanilla.
If you had a pre-existing agreement that any hint of porn use and you would leave him then do so, but if not, talk to him and agree what is acceptable to both of you.

Thanks for all your advice. We’ve had a big chat. He’s mortified. I did need to go through his browser history to believe him when he said he didn’t go searching for teen porn and nor has he. He’s only even looked up porn sites twice in the last year and never looked for teen porn so I really don’t think it’s the big issue I thought it was ( he doesn’t delete browsing history because I never go on that pc normally). He went to the 2 videos I found because they looked like the most straight sex on there as opposed to the more graphic ‘anal’ ‘cum in face’ hardcore porn you can get, and I believe him he prefers reading erotic stories and that’s fine. I’ve probably looked at porn more in the last year than him. He knows ‘teen’ upsets me and he’s so ashamed by how it’s made me feel and I’ve encouraged him to just be more honest with me as opposed to embarrassed. I’m not throwing our marriage away over this.

Im really not sure anal.and cum in facw counts as really hard core but hey ho. Well now you've had the chance to reprimand him and makevit clea what type of porn he's allowed to warch he'll be sure to cover his tracks better in futute, sorry obey your wishes.

Summer He didn’t need to “cover his tracks” as he hadn’t searched for “teen” stuff.

Emma glad you’ve had a chat and cleared things up.