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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I end it before he does?

1 reply

Redgreenblue88 · 18/06/2018 14:25

Have been with my boyfriend for 12 months, things have been great, we get on well dont argue etc. Then on Friday he changed. I had a family event on Saturday he was invited to so we were staying at my parents, he was quiet on the Friday and Saturday and i knew something was up but didnt press, i asked if everything was ok and do he want to talk about something and he said no.

Sunday he went home and it became obvious something was up, he didn't text to say he was home and little things like that. I asked again what was up and he said nothing, i said in not dumb and he said we will talk tuesday.

I text him back and said if you want to split up just say dont drag it out. He said we will talk tuesday. I rang him upset (i know im sounding a little crazy i was just so confused) he said he would rather speak in person. Ì said its unfair to leave me hanging on like that till I see him on Tuesday and seen as hes been here all weekend he could of spoken to me then. Then he said he feels like I'm disconnected from the relationship and i dont talk to him about things. I agreed i dont share everything with him but ive got a pretty shit past and dont share everything with anyone. I also said i am working on it and surely he can see that and he agreed he could.

He assured me he loves me and doesnt want to split up he just "doesnt know where his head is at the minute". Stuff has sort of gone back to normal but today he was texting as normal and then just said "i need to clear my head" so i said do you want to talk? And he said "i cant even make sense of t so not really no" and that was the last i heard.

He has a history of depression so part of me wonders if its that but so do i and anxiety and coupled with a shit few months (my only friend died 3 months ago, i spoke to her everyday and still feel quite lost) everything in me is screaming run away and save yourself. Leave before he hurts me. And on top of wondering what is wrong with me as this always happens, i dont care about men i build up giant walls and hold them at arms length for months and then within weeks of me starting to feel secure and settled they fuck off and leave. It can't be coincidence.

I dont even know what i want form this really i just needed a rant and i have no one to rant to. Any thoughts are welcome I feel like everything is out of my control and i want to get off. I dont want to bail on him if needs me but o dont think im the women for the job if he needs help. should I just let him go so he can find what he needs?

OP posts:
bibliomania · 18/06/2018 15:20

I don't think that's the right question. I think the question is whether this relationship is the right thing for you at the moment. It's not your job to fix him. You have too much on yourself at the moment.

As a complete outsider, I'm not sure this is helping you much at the moment. If you do break up, though, don't immediately start looking for your next big love. I think you need a break from all that - sort out yourself and grieve properly for your friend.

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