a difficult H

[Thisismydilemma]

Me and h are not getting on well at the moment. We have an uplanned 4th dc due in a couple of weeks. He blames me for getting pg (he didn't want another dc) and has not been communicating or supporting me much since we found out. He thinks I did it on purpose and says he feels trapped. None of which is true from my point of view. I asked him to get a vasectomy and he refuses, he said I should get sterilised, as it's good for women to reduce them getting ovarian cancer. wtf!?

H says he will never have sex with me again, as he never wants to be in that situation (unplanned pg) again. I felt so hurt and unwanted when he said that. I don't have a high sex drive anyway, but to never have sex again, sounds awful :(

He says he will be coming to the birth to 'support' me. I'm not sure how, as he has not supported me at all during the whole pregnancy and I told him I did not want him there. Am I allowed to refuse for him to attend? My mum has kindly offered to be my birthing partner, so I don't need him there.

I feel like my life is spiralling out of control. My h is emotionally dead and I feel like his mood is dragging me down. This cannot be good for the baby, I feel so guilty that all the stress is going to them :(

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this emotional upheaval at this time. First - you do not have to allow anybody to be with you when you give birth. You are the patient. Secondly, it takes two to make a baby - either he accepts his role in it or he doesn't but this nastiness and blaming has to stop. Be firm. And you get to decide if you want to be with a man who is unsupportive in difficult times and threatens to withdraw sex from your relationship for ever. Congratulations on your baby when they arrive - children are a blessing far more than any man (I have six lol)

You don't have to have him there if you do not want to.

You have too much to think about right now with a baby due in a couple of weeks, but your H has been punishing you for this pregnancy for nearly 9 months now. This has to stop. He needs to decide if he wants to be in this marriage wholeheartedly and without resentment. Or he needs to go.

I would insist on counselling if things don't change rapidly. He may even treat the new child differently because of his resentment. This is no way to live.

All the best for your pregnancy and delivery

Well it wasn't the immaculate conception, he shares the blame......it really irritates me when partners blame the other for getting pregnant......what did he expect? If you have unprotected sex you are likely to get pregnant. He is being a complete tool, why would you want him in the room when the baby is born if he is behaving this way while you are pregnant.

If he is so against having more kids he should get his ridiculous arse down to the docs and book a vasectomy! If he insists on punishing you for this then perhaps you guys need to discuss how you move forward...maybe get some counselling......I can't see a sexless relationship working for either of you long term.

I hope you get more replies soon, OP.

Thanks for your responses. I feel so low at the moment. Could be pregnancy related though!

How have you trapped him if he already has three kids with you??? I despair. Sorry OP, you need some of these

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You can absolutely exclude him from the birth and whatever you do you should have your Mum there anyway. Is there any chance that if he does attend the birth and sees his child come in to the world he’ll fall in love and stop being such a fucking tool? How is he with the other three?

His behaviour is absolutely disgusting and even if he does love the baby one s/he is here the way he has treated you needs addressing. What’s the housing situation, do you own or rent and who is on the deeds/tenancy agreement?

I’m so sorry for you though, this must just be awful.

I feel so low at the moment. Could be pregnancy related though!

I have never been pregnant, so cannot speak from experience about that, but if you are feeling so low I would bet on much of it being because of your H situation. You have not only had zero support from him during this pregnancy, but he actively resents you and the coming baby because he is so childish. Hardly surprising you are low! Glad you have your Mum in your corner at least