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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ending a relationship after 18 months

7 replies

Nanny67 · 17/06/2018 22:25

I'll try not to drip feed but I really need some advice. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship for 18 months although his true colours didn't show for about 3 months when I found out he was still in a relationship with his girlfriend of 2 years and apparently was too scared to end it with her when we got together. We were blissfully unaware of each other until I posted something on FB tagging him and he forgot to hide the post from her.
Anyway what has pursued was 15 months of verbal emotional sexual and psychological abuse. The police are aware, I'm 2 months into the freedom programme and I'm also on a self esteem course. I have professionals and support around me. He doesn't know that I have this support and doesn't know I've reported him to the police. Social Services want me to end the relationship as it's affecting my mental health.
I don't want to be with him anymore but it's not that simple. He had a police record (I did Clare's Law disclosure) for stalking and harassing 3 other exes when they ended it. I've tried ending it fave to face but he manages to talk me round.
I'm a good person with sound morals but I've got to the point where I either just want to text him with bye and block and delete him off everything, or just simply not even bother with the bye and just delete and block. I have a panic alarm at home and I have a sig marker so I feel reasonably protected.
Or should I try and have another conversation with him explaining why it's not working out? I believe he is a narcissist too. My morals say not to just ghost him but I don't know how else to get away from him.
Any ideas?

OP posts:
ChevalierTialys · 17/06/2018 22:30

If he talks you round when you end it face to face, send him a message and then block him. Inform him that if hebtries to contact you, you will report him to the police.

fizzthecat1 · 17/06/2018 22:39

OP do you live alone? I'd stay with family if I were you. And install cameras.

Itscurtainsforyou · 17/06/2018 22:41

Under these circumstances I'd delete/block (say goodbye if you want). You need to be free from him. Speak to the police when you do so they're aware.

Daydreamer2407 · 17/06/2018 22:48

Send a message making it clear it's over. Tell him any further contact will be reported to the police. Then block and delete. Stay safe and make sure you do report him if he keeps contacting you

Nanny67 · 18/06/2018 06:08

Thankyou. Good idea about the cameras and informing the police.

OP posts:
Nanny67 · 18/06/2018 10:16

I've text him and he took it really graciously. But I worry this will be the calm before the storm. When his last partner finished with him he went to her house about 6 months later and dowsed her car in brake fluid.

OP posts:
Suewallies · 18/06/2018 11:23

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