Completely and utterly overwhelmed by life

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

As I write this I’m bawling my eyes out..I’m normally a fairly positive person but right now I feel like I’m drowning by recent events in my life and just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

To cut a long story short, I was with someone about 4 years ago. Fell pregnant he disappeared to Australia and I went ahead on my own. I now have a wonderful 3 year old daughter and we have a fairly good life the two of us. I moved to be closer to my parents. Bought us a little two bed house which I did up and really happy with. I had a great job which allowed me to condense a full working week into just 3 days which was amazing, it allowed me to work, being in money and also being a mum. It was also something I genuinely enjoyed and I got to work from home. Yep I know it was a dream job in so many ways.

I saved up some money to go on our first beach holiday this year, I was so excited and just before I went my boss resigned. A new man came into the role and decided to make my role part- time. I do understand why they have done it, but the way in which they went about it was awful. I was basically hounded on holiday and had a shit week away. I was alone in a foreign country for the first time with my daughter and felt completely utterly alone. When I got home I had no choice but to hand in my notice as I have only been working in the company for 18 months and have no employee rights. I can’t afford to live on just two days a week. I have one months notice and then that’s it’s for work. I’ve been completely devastated by this and then two days later we have found out my dear dad may have prostrate cancer. It runs in his family and the signs he is showing may suggest it may be advanced. We are keeping positive but I’m completely devastated as you can imagine.

Right now I’m facing up to the fact my dad may not have a lot time to live, Im trying to support my family but I also have to try and find a job. It’s all too much

I know a lot of single parents work full time, but like most women/men the idea of hardly seeing my child anymore breaks my heart. I’m 42 so there is every chance she will be my only child. I hate the thought that I will be sat in an office 5 days a week doing a repetitive job I probably will end up hating. I have no idea what will happen when she goes to school next year. I was hoping my parents may be able to help out, but if my dad does have cancer then it’s out of the question to ask for help.

Right now I feel like I’m completely drowning everyday I wake up feeling depressed. I’m trying to be the best mum I can but it’s so hard at the moment, I just look forward to the end of the day when I can go to bed and shut out the world.

It was trying to date a bit recently because I would love to meet someone. Now I can’t see that happening. With working full time hours, I know I’ll be too tired and all the spare time I have I want to spend with my daughter.

I’m seeing a councillor so that is helping but it won’t change what is going on.

I’m considering selling up next year and using the cash I have in my property to buy a place outright in France and then just getting myself a crap jobs to pay the bills. At least I’ll be mortgage free and living in a place where I have a better quality of life.

Life is shit right now. I guess I just wanted to vent.

Thanks everyone ❤️ I have a degree and in London I was an executive assistant which I can fall back on. I just took the parish clerk job on as the money was pretty good and it was full time but with loads of flexibility with hours. I can see why they changed the job to being just part time but it was the way in which they did it which was wrong. I’m going to try and find maybe two parish clerk jobs which allow me to work from home, but it may not be over night!

Thanks VanGoghs, brilliant advance and much appreciated x

Advice*

OP there is a facebook group called something like 'flexible working for mums Like me ' which could be worth a look? People share links if they have noticed adverts which may suit . Hang in there , you got this ! PS until I read your other message I was convinced a parish Clark meant sitting in the church office haha

Ha ha no I’m not religious! It’s just a weird job title x

I'm an LP and self employed, the hours are very flexible and i've always got work. Is that something you could consider? Rates of pay are usually a fair bit more than employed, and you can pick / choose your clients. I'm not sure if it would fit in with your role, but even if you sidestepped I think you would find something you could do that was self employed. Might be worth speaking to a careers advisor about it all. Or maybe a life coach? Life coaches are really motivating and will get you to think outside the box about things.

Highly recommend self employment if it's an option for you. Maybe you could take a day or two employed job and spend another building up your own business on the side until it's up and running a bit?

Highly recommend self employment though if you are able, it's a great way of working and having flexibility around your kid esp if you are a LP.

PS a lot of ppl are usually nervous about going self employed but honestly in a way it's better because it's less of a risk for companies to hire you - so many more opportunities and you can move on when a client gets too much if necessary. Sometimes takes a while to get off the ground but if you network and sort a website etc it's easily done.

Thanks Dragons, but I’m also thinking of my mortgage. I remortgage next year and think if you are self employment that comes with a lot of obstacles.

My background primarily is administration but I’m very confident and good and communicating and selling. So I have loads of transferable skills. I’ve always wanted to set up my own business, but it comes with risk and you need capital- something I don’t have unless I release equity from my property. Again that’s too risky...

I’m not sure what types of jobs you can be self employed in...

I've done freelance admin (and related roles) very successfully in the past. These days as a freelance PA or administrator you can charge between £20 - £30 per hour, and there's little outlay beyond your home broadband line, a laptop (which you probably have) and a couple of folders to do some filing into. Most of it is done online. Travel and some other expenses can be offset against tax bill. You can do it in your living room...

The figures I have said are a bit of a guess but I know people my way charge around £25 - £30 per hour for a specialist PA service. NB These are local rates, it might be a bit less where you are, do some research online if you're interested, message a few local people and see what they charge.

I think it's less risky than people think but it might be an idea to get a part time job and do it around the edge till you're properly set up.

What about look for a couple of clients to do evenings / weekends to get you going?

There may well be other options for you as it sounds like you have a lot of skills! Also a lot of companies just want someone they can hire

Anyway just my thoughts. Although I am freelance in a different field now, I always have way more work than I can handle and have historically had this, you need to do a bit of networking but you might be surprised. :)

Thanks Dragon so much! But how do you become a freelance PA? It’s definitely something I would consider. Do I just put my details on a job site of some sort?

I would get a cv and a cover email and go through the local job ads to get email addresses of companies. Ones already looking for staff are a good start as they may have temp vacancies already.you could say it's better to employ you than via agency as it cuts out middle man and agency fees. Also LinkedIn. Any local companies you are interested in, do a mass mail out using bcc in email field. Remember the law of averages, the more you send out the more likely you are to get one that wants you. Get some references or testimonials and include with your email... just be confident and make your cvisit and cover email look shit hot and you might get some interested parties....use your sales techeques x

Techniques that should say

Thanks Dragon’s awesome advice! I have two interviews already lined up. One is a 2nd interview for a three day job which I already like the sound of. Only issue is money, sounds like this could be a possible way of topping it up! x

What are your interviews for our if interest? After a meltdown I feel like I need to see what else is out there. Well done you. You sound like a really strong character

That's great news! Onwards and upwards eh.

LinkedIn
LinkedIn
LinkedIn
LinkedIn!

I’m sorry you’re having such a pants time of it, you sound as strong as a ruddy ox

Paul everyone keeps talking about linkin but I really don’t understand it! I know I should join.

The role is for a procurement assistant. I initially went for an informal chat but they changed it while I was in the meeting into a proper interview and I met my would be line manager who seemed to really like me.

I’m very much keeping my options open and interviewing elsewhere as well.

I think it’s all in the mindset, I know I have a lot to offer and interview well so I’m just literally trying to block out anything else and get on with it!

I have a mortgage to pay, bills to pay and good to put on the table. I have to get this sorted out ASAP!

Thanks for all your advice and support everyone, this site is just a godsend! x