Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't know how I feel anymore

10 replies

24hourmommy · 17/06/2018 00:19

Heyy everyone
So I've been married for 5 blissful years, I have two children (3,1) and until 6 months ago me and my husband were very much in love with each other. We have always felt like we are each other's strengths. It's been 6 months now that he goes out frequently at night, comes late home, does nothing around the house, not helping much with kids or is just in a mood and snaps at the smallest of things i do. Last week we had a domestic where he was verbally abusive and threatening to break my face and take my kids from me that I rang the police. He left the house with both my kids and called the police sayying I assaulted him and chased him with a knife. I got arrested and released the following morning. He kept kids away from me for few days which was like torture and now even though we agreed including our families to give it one last shot for the kids sake. I asked him why he felt the need to do all that and he frankly said its because if he didn't then I would have had him arrested. It's been 2 weeks and he isn't making any effort, avoiding me, staying out again, minimal conversation, acting like he is upset with me. Why does it hurt so much that he isn't interested in dealing with our issues. Why do I even care and is divorce the only option I have left to having some normality in my life.

Sorry if its a long read but I wanted to give the whole picture.

OP posts:
mrsjackrussell · 17/06/2018 00:28

Sorry to hear that you are going through this x if you've had a happy 5 years what's made him change? He's treating you appallingly. Could he be having an affair?

Disquieted1 · 17/06/2018 01:24

You rang the police. He rang the police.
Whenever someone does this a line is crossed. Either they genuinely feel threatened by their partner and the relationship is obviously over, or they have over-reacted and then their partner can never trust again someone who potentially wanted them arrested/imprisoned.
I'm sorry to say this, but in my long experience whenever the police are involved the relationship is inevitably over.
Plan your exit and all the best.

Monty27 · 17/06/2018 01:32

He's a vindictive prick. Get rid. I had something similar. Does he tell you where he's been. Mine used to say he was working. I believed him. It turned out he was actually out drinking and taking coke.
Confused

Japanesejazz · 17/06/2018 01:38

Very true words by Disquieted.

esk1mo · 17/06/2018 01:39

sounds like affair or drugs (or both), thats what happened with my exDP (although no violence or police), but the going out at all hours, snappiness.

leave him. why be miserable? and why put your kids through this? kids shouldnt have to “recover” from their childhoods

VimFuego101 · 17/06/2018 01:41

I'd use this time to get your ducks in a row and plan your exit.

Sammyham88 · 17/06/2018 01:59

Of course it hurts, you have children together and have been together, for the most part in a happy relationship with him for 5 years, your feelings aren't going to just change like that.

Does he explain where he goes out at night? Has there been any changes in either of your lives that would make him suddenly start acting like this? Have you tried putting time aside for just the two of you to chat or considered couples counselling? Relationships are hard work but if it's got to the point you're calling the police and he's unwilling to make any effort then I'm really sorry OP but I would start to consider how you're going to move on from him.

24hourmommy · 17/06/2018 08:45

Thanks for the replys and yes I have asked him to sit with me and talk about it when kids are asleep but he is sayying that no good will come of it and he doesn't want anymore drama. Esk1mo I agree with you its what I've been suspecting for months but havent found anything to support this further. When I ring him to find out when he will be home he just says with friends and will be home soon Confused
What is really messing with my head is the drastic change I just don't understand it or did he plan it so that he could push me out of the relationship and blame everything on me.

OP posts:
eve34 · 17/06/2018 09:16

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know you just want to make him see. But it isn't going to happen.
I was in exactly the same position this time last year. Staying out till 5am most nights. Not engaging with family life or me. He was drinking to excess to the point he had a seizure
I was hanging on in there waiting for him to turn things around. He didn't he left and new women was very quickly on the scene. He is still leading this car crash life and although it bloody hurt I'm glad I am now watching from the sidelines.
Be strong pack his stuff it is healthy for any of you .

GreenItWas · 17/06/2018 09:34

He checked out long ago OP. It's hard for you I know but you have to do everything you can to see this for what it is and then protect yourself. you are so vulnerable right now. He holds all the cards. Get some legal advice. You will feel empowered and no-one need know for now.

You need to stop wondering why he does stuff and just accept he does and you hate that he does it. He knows you hate it but he doesn't give a hit. That tells you all you need to know about him. It's over and it's time for you to get moving in response to that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page